<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Blue Dreams (Rin and Haruka) (First Book Of Seven Chains Series) by LovingTheWater</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002618">Blue Dreams (Rin and Haruka) (First Book Of Seven Chains Series)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingTheWater/pseuds/LovingTheWater'>LovingTheWater</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seven Chains (Pending) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hanahaki Disease, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Use, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Pining Nanase Haruka, Possible Character Death, RinHaru Relationship, Sad themes, SouRin Relationship, Unrequited Love, sakura petals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:47:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingTheWater/pseuds/LovingTheWater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beginning Note: In this story, you will find seven different stories of Rin and Haruka.<br/>Do all the stories have a happy ending?<br/>Let's read the stories to find out, shall we?<br/>Blue color is always associated with peace, relaxation, wisdom, devotion and sincerity. Rin saw all of these in Haru's eyes.<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ Story explanation: Haruka gets caught on Hanahaki Disease after developing feelings for his childhood friend Rin. What will Haru do? Will Rin return Haruka's feelings? Or will Haruka give up on his feelings for Rin? </p><p>♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡</p><p>Haruka looked at the sakura petals on the ground and whispered. "Rin... It is all because of Rin..."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seven Chains (Pending) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. (First Story) Flowers Of Death- Chapter 1: Loving Can Be Hard Sometimes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to the first chapter of my new story!<br/>I will explain what Hanahaki Disease is for those who don't know what it is.<br/>This is a work which I had been planning for a long time!<br/>There will be 5 different stories of RinHaru (my OTP *intense cry*), and these stories will have 10 chapters.<br/>There will also be different stories for the other Free! ships (for the ones I ship at least)!<br/>I will TRY to update every Monday. No promises though because anything can happen.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haru learns the boy who he loves for a long time starts dating with someone else, he gets the legendary disease which is called Hanahaki.<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤  Haruka looked at the petals in his hand and on the ground and whispered. "Rin... It is all because of Rin..."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!<br/>I was not around for a while and I decided to edit this story a little.<br/>The song lyrics which I write the beginning is English lyrics of Shiawase by Back Number! You can listen the song!<br/>The song really fits this story.<br/>Side Note: I explained Hanahaki disease for those who don't know in the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">In reality I already knew<br/>
How much you liked that guy</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>From the moment he heard that his beloved loves someone else, Haruka knew that something bad was going to happen and he was right about it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was walking home alone. Makoto, Nagisa and Rei decided to watch a movie in Rei's house. Haru was not in the mood to have fun after he lived the worst moment of his life. So he decided to walk home alone. He was almost at home when he doubled over when he began coughing harshly. He doubled up and got on his knees.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He covered his mouth as he was coughing blood up. He coughed one last time and opened his eyes. When he looked at his hand his eyes widened in horror. There were bloody sakura petals and black rose petals in his hand and on the ground. The rose petals' were so dark shade of red that  they were almost black. Haruka gasped in horror. Tears began flowing down his cheeks. Luckily there was no one around. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>'When your love is unrequited, the bad flowers of this unrequited love bloom in your soul.' His grandmother told him this before while she was telling a story of a girl who was in love with her best friend. 'Is there a way to get rid of those evil flowers grandma?' As a 10 year old, Haruka was curious. 'Yes,' his grandma answered, 'but there is a price: You will lost your love forever.'</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Haruka looked at the petals in his hand and on the ground and whispered. "Rin... It is all because of Rin..." He let out a hollow laugh as he was staring at the petals. It was obvious that he would end up in this situation. Loving someone who already has a lover, never ended good. Falling in love with Rin Matsuoka was not an exception of course. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin Matsuoka... He was the reason of Haru was suffering. He was 17 years old when he realized that he was in love with his childhood friend. He always had been. However, Rin was in love with someone else: Sousuke Yamazaki. Haru was the only one to blame. He knew that loving Rin was not good for him, but he still loved him. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Hey Haru!" Rin panted when he finally managed to caught up with his friend. "I'm so excited to tell you something!" He gave Haru a big smile. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Haru was curious. He never saw Rin that much happy. This fact irritated him. The fact that he wasn't the reason of Rin's smile made his heart ache. Still he didn't want to ruin Rin's mood when he was that much happy. "What is it, Rin?" </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> "Sousuke, asked me out!" Rin exclaimed. "Can you believe this? The guy I had crush on for a long time asked me out!" Rin was jumping like a little kid. "It feels like I'm in a dream!" Rin seemed way much happier than any normal day. After all he was together with the person who he loved now. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Haru gave a forced smile even though he wanted to collapse on his knees and cry. It was hurting to support your friend to be together with someone else when you are crazy in love with them, but he wasn't going to show his true feelings to Rin. He could cry when he was alone. "That's great Rin. I'm happy for you." </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>After this conversation they made their way to the their practice. They didn't talk during the walk. Haru wasn't really complaining because he needed to listen his own thoughts in this companionable silence.  </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Haru didn't even eat when he went back to home. He just opened his computer and began researching Hanahaki Disease. There weren't not many results about the disease since not many people caught on this disease. Finally he found a page which explained the disease detailed enough for him.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Hanahaki Disease is an illness born of one-sided love, causing flowers form and grow in the lungs of the unrequited love, the petals coughed up with increasing frequency. If the love is not returned, the flowers filling the patient's chest will eventually prove fatal. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love will also disappear. When the flowers are surgically removed, as are the victim's feelings of love, meaning they can no longer love the person they once loved. Sometimes this also removes their memories of the former beloved, or even the victim's ability to love ever again. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Hanahaki has three stages. In the first stage the person will start coughing petals. The petals will often stuck in the throat, which will end up being coughed up. In the second stage, the petals will go to either flower buds or bloomed flowers. It will grown with the thorns, which will cut the throat making the victim cough and vomit blood. In the third, and the last stage, the roots from the flower will grow throughout the lungs, causing the victim to suffocate and die. Other symptoms of Hanahaki involves strong pain, shivers, bouts of fever, loss of appetite, weight loss, lowered blood pressure, nausea and constant feeling of being cold. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>When Hanahaki reaches it's last stage, there is nothing left to do for the victim. The victim will die coughing bloomed flowers up. Hanahaki is a rare disease, because there are very few people who has strong feelings enough to grow flowers in their lungs.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>'Fatal...' This one single five-lettered word was running through Haru's head. He punched the wall in anger. "Why me?" He punched the wall again and again. He didn't care that his knuckles began bleeding. He yelled at everyone who knocked his door. Eventually he fell onto the ground crying. 'Why did it have to happen to me?' There were very few people who has strong feelings enough to grow flowers in their lungs. Haru was one of them even though he never showed it.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Haru was going to his class. Makoto was talking to him, but he wasn't really listening. When the teacher came Makoto finally stopped talking. It was hard to pay attention what teachers was saying. "Haru," Makoto nudged him a bit. "Are you okay?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. "I'm okay." He felt like he was going to be sick of giving everyone the same answer. He went outside without even waiting for Makoto. "Wait Haru!" Makoto tried to catch up with Haru, but Haru acted like he didn't hear him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto eventually lost Haru in the crowd. He sighed sadly. There was something wrong with his best friend and he didn't know what he should do. It was the first time he couldn't fix his best friend's heart. Makoto felt a stinging pain in his chest, feeling sad for his best friend. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Haru knew that he had no right to be angry at Rin and Sousuke, but they were the reason why he was in pain right now. He wished that Rin knew how it seeing him in love with someone else felt. He wasn't going to have the surgery. Having surgery meant that he would forget about Rin. He didn't want to forget the amazing memories they made. They were the only things which made him happy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everyone noticed something was wrong with Haru, but Haru's cold face was keeping them away. Rin was one of the first people who noticed something was wrong with Haru. Haru was really important to him. So he asked. "Haru is everything alright?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Since he just couldn't say' No, I'm dying because of you', he just nodded his head and said "I'm okay." It didn't seem like Rin believed him, but Haru didn't care. He just walked to the pool. Haru was always scared of falling in love with someone after he heard about hanahaki disease. He didn't want to die like that. However, it didn't matter anymore. He was going to die sooner or later, surrounded by petals, always bleeding for his unrequited love. Hanahaki was terrifying, but it was also beautiful. Haru was drifting into a terrifying, a beautiful death.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What will happen to Haru?<br/>We will see ~<br/>I will update every Tuesday and Friday!<br/>I love you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 2: Loving Can Hurt Sometimes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rin wonders what's wrong with his childhood friend.<br/>However, Makoto found out.<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ "Please Makoto... If you want to do a favor for me, please don't tell this to anyone." Haru looked up to Makoto with pleading eyes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>New chapter is out!<br/>Have fun!<br/>Note: Updates may be slow! I was kind of busy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">And that I was at your side<br/>But had no chances <br/>Really, I knew it well</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru didn't sleep last night. He tried, but his throat was raw and his chest was hurting like hell. Every hour he ran to the bathroom to cough bloody petals. That's why he was extremely tired in the morning, but he decided to go to the school anyway. Being in school was better than staying alone at home and thinking about Rin whole day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As he was walking to the school, Haru thought about getting the surgery again. However, it was obvious that there was no way for him to get the surgery. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his feelings or memories for Rin. All the laughs... All the conversations... All the jokes which they made together... All of these would be gone forever if he accepted the surgery.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He admired everything about Rin. His perfect jawline, his eyes and how they would shine whenever he is happy or excited. He liked everything about Rin. He wished Rin was belong to him, but, unfortunately, he was belong to someone else. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, Haru! Wait!" Haru heard the familiar voice. Rin was walking to him. 'Great,' Haru thought to himself. 'Now I have to fake I'm okay.' He forced a smile. "Hey Rin, how are you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm so happy Haru," Rin smiled and began talking about how his first date with Sousuke was and how perfect Sousuke was. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Listening all these things made his heart ache. He forced those five words out of his mouth. "I'm happy for you." His voice was hoarse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smile on Rin's face faded. He looked at Haru in worry. "Haru, are you okay?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Excuse me..." Haru said and ran through hallway without another word. He bumped some people accidentally during this run and ignored their yelling and angry words. He immediately ran to the school and went to the bathroom. Luckily there was no one around. He began coughing heavily as the tears were running down from his cheeks. After a good five minutes he let out one last cough. Countless petals and blood drops were everywhere. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was late for the class, but he didn't care. He was going to die sooner or later, right? So why would he care about the classes? He headed to the library and took a random book without caring about the title or what it was about. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As he was reading, he saw that it was about a high school teenage boy who was in love with his best friend and couldn't tell. This boy had also Hanahaki Disease because he couldn't tell his feelings for the other guy. Haru started to cry silently. The only thing he could think was he could have died any time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was in the library whole day. He didn't attend any classes. He didn't want to go to home either. He just read the book and cried silently at the death of the main character. 'My end will be like that too.'</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>He saw Rin in front of the school gate. He began walking faster to avoid from Rin, but Rin already saw him and began walking faster. Soon he caught up with Haru and grabbed his arm. "Makoto said that you didn't attend the classes today. Why is that?" Haru didn't answer this question and tried to yank his arm away, but Rin grabbed his arm tighter. "Why are you acting so strange Haru? I just want to make sure that you are okay!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. 'You are a bit late for this.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Is someone hurting you?" Rin squinted his eyes in concern. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," Haru said simply and yanked his arm away. 'No one is hurting me. Except for you.' </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin watched Haru as he was walking away. He was really worried about his childhood friend. No matter what he was going to learn what was wrong with Haru. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Pain... Pain was the everything Haru could feel. Pain was in his heart, pain was in his throat, pain was in his lungs. He coughed up once again. He sighed with relief when he saw there were only petals. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was hard to avoid from Makoto. He had noticed Haru's strange behaviors and visible loss of appetite. At first he thought that it was just a simple cold, but as the time passed he became suspicious. He went to Haru's house and knocked the bathroom's door. "Hey Haru, may I come in?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. Makoto wasn't different than a mother hen and he wouldn't leave Haru alone until he was sure that Haru was okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto went in and looked at Haru. "Is everything okay?"  He was examining Haru's expression carefully trying to understand if he will tell the truth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru nodded his head. "Yes, everything is okay." He tried to sound convincing as much as possible. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Haru, you know that you can tell me everything." Makoto said with a soft voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, I know. There is nothing to worry. I'm just tired." Haru gave him a forced smile. In fact, he wanted to hug Makoto and cry. He didn't want to die. Because if he died, he wouldn't be able to see Rin again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto was surprised when Haru suddenly began crying. He instinctively hugged Haru without caring the fact that he was wet. "Haru, what happened? Why are you crying?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The only thing Haru said was "I'm scared."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No matter how Makoto insisted, Haru didn't say anything more. He got out of Makoto's arms and began drying his body with the towel. "I will go for run." Without giving a chance Makoto to say anything, he went to get dress. After getting dressed he went outside. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>As he was walking, he saw something he didn't want to see. Seeing Sousuke and Rin were hugging made his heart ache. He began running down the street without caring people's stares. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. He kept running without knowing where he was going. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He reached a park when his knees eventually gave up. He doubled up and began coughing. He could feel the petals in his throat, but they didn't come out. They were stuck in his throat. He panicked and began coughing harder. He hit his chest repeatedly and finally the petals dropped onto the grass. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They were more bloody than always. He was also vomiting blood uncontrollably. Luckily there was no flower buds or bloomed flowers. He sighed in relief. He stood up and wiped his mouth. He then began walking to home. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Makoto was still there. "Haru where have you been? I was so worried." He got worried even more. "Haru... Where did this blood come from?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru wanted to say that it was nothing but he began coughing petals in front of Makoto. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto froze. "Haru... You have hanahaki..." He hugged Haru tightly. "I can't lose you Haru... Please get rid of this." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru shook his head. "I can't Makoto... I don't want to forget about this person. Please Makoto... If you want to do a favor for me, please don't tell this to anyone." Haru looked up to Makoto with pleading eyes. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Will Makoto hide Haru's secret or tell to the others?<br/>We will see in the next chapter~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 3: It Can Get Hard Sometimes But It Is The Only Thing Which Makes Us Feel Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Makoto accepted not to tell anyone, but the secret was revealed by someone who Haru never wanted to learn. <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ Rin was still standing there shocked. When he could finally talk only thing he could say were “Haru… You…”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! This story contains a bit gore (well, I don't know if we can call hanahaki as gore hahah)... So if you are disturbed or are affected easily or just don't like it, please don't read the story. I don't want to see hate comments.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">You were falling in love<br/>And I was beside you <br/>Slowly falling for you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto sighed in defeat and nodded his head. “Okay, as you wish.” </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Haru groaned in annoyance when he felt the presence next to him. It was Makoto. He had stayed in Haru’s place last night and slept in his bed. Haru was annoyed, but he had to admit that Makoto’s existence was comforting him. Makoto opened his eyes and looked at Haru. His hair was messy and there were dark bags under his eyes because of the lack of sleeping. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Didn’t you sleep well?” Haru asked. His voice was emotionless and his face was flat as always, but he was worried about Makoto. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto ignored Haru’s question. “How do you feel?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru restrained himself from rolling his eyes. ‘Why wouldn’t he leave me alone?’ He was obviously not good. His throat was throbbing and his lungs hurt like hell, but he managed to mask his pain. “I feel better,” he lied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto squinted his eyes in suspicion. “It didn’t seem like that last night.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru bit his bottom lip. Makoto was right. He woke up every hour and coughed bloody petals up. Makoto, most likely couldn’t sleep because of him. His condition was getting worse and worse. The pain was increasing every day. It was hard to hide it, but he had no other choice. Haru held Makoto’s hands and squeezed them gently. “I promise I will be okay.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, you won’t be okay if you don’t get rid of this disease!” Tears filled Makoto’s eyes. “Haru please tell Rin how you feel about him. You have nothing to lose.” He was really trying hard for his best friend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Yeah, I’ve got nothing to lose but Rin.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No Makoto, I won’t talk to him about this,” he said sternly. “He will just reject me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then accept the surgery!” Makoto yelled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I said I don’t fucking want the surgery! What didn’t you understand in it?” Haru yelled back, but when he saw that Makoto was about to cry, he immediately regret. He patted Makoto’s shoulder. “I’m sorry… You know, I’m just so stressed about this situation.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto nodded his head. “I know… I just don’t want you to die.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Makoto, losing your feelings and forgetting all of your memories is not easy as you think. I promise, I will be fine.” Haru reassured Makoto even though he didn’t know how. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You have to.” Makoto hugged Haru tightly as if he wouldn’t be able to hug him ever again. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>Haru looked at the sky as the wind blowing his hair. “I guess I don’t have much time left,” he mumbled to himself. He looked at the sea. For one second, he thought about committing suicide. He couldn’t endure waiting for the death like that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Are you that pathetic? Just cowards choose to die.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The freezing cold air made him shiver. His tears were mixing with the rain. If it was before, he wouldn’t understand why people sacrifice themselves for someone who doesn’t care about them, but now he did. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>When he came back to home, he saw Rin was standing in front of his door. Haru rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to see anyone, including Rin, at that moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He ignored Rin and tried to sneak away from him, but Rin grabbed his arm. “No, you can’t escape this time.” He held Haru’s arm tighter when Haru tried to yank his arm away. “You have been acting weird recently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know what you mean.” Haru’s voice was shaking. It is always hard to lie when you were looking into the love of your life’s eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin knew whenever Haru lied, his voice would shake. “You are not good at lying, Haru.” He gazed Haru up and down. “You lost weight, so you don’t eat. There are dark bags under your eyes, so you don’t sleep enough either. You don’t talk with any of us or whenever we want to hang out you always find an excuse. Tell me what’s wrong. I can help you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Too late…’ Haru thought. “I told you, there is nothing wrong,” he snapped and yanked his arm away. He went into the home and slammed shut the door. He rushed to the bathroom and coughed heavily. He was also vomiting blood uncontrollably. Suddenly he noticed something… There were something else besides flowers… These were buds… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His heart began beating fast in fear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had gone to the second stage. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>‘I was willing to give everything for a man who doesn’t love me back.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was relaxing in the water after a long day in the school. The others were talking about hanging out in somewhere, but Haru ignored it as always. He heard his phone beeped a few times, but he ignored them as well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After he got out of the bathroom, he decided to check his phone to see what the texts were about. All texts were from Rin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first text was sent at 18.18. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘Are you coming with us?’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>The second one was sent at 18.54. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘I think no?’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>The last message was sent in 19.00. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘I will be there in 20 minutes.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto rolled his eyes. Rin sent this message 15 minutes ago, so he was going to be there in 5 minutes. He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling blankly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After exact 5 minutes he heard doorbell rang. Even though he really wanted to act like he was not at home, he didn’t have another choice but to open the door. He walked downstairs reluctantly and opened the door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were an unnerving silence between them as they were walking upstairs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When they reached Haru’s room Rin broke the silence. “I think we need to clear something, Haru.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like what?” Haru asked trying to make some time to think a good lie. There was no way for him to tell Rin that he had hanahaki. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t even try to tell me a lie!” Rin yelled at Haru even though he didn’t want to do this. He was just sick of Haru’s lies. He tried to calm himself down and continued to talk with a softer voice. “You can lie to everyone. You can lie to yourself, but you can never fool me. I won’t leave you alone until you tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t tell I will learn what you are hiding by myself.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not hiding any…” Haru started talking, but he suddenly began coughing and vomiting blood uncontrollably. Blood and flower buds were scattered everywhere as he was coughing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a good 5 minutes, Haru eventually stopped coughing and vomiting blood. Rin was still standing there shocked. When he could finally talk only thing he could say were “Haru… You…”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So... <br/>Since Rin learned about Haru's hanahaki disease, will Haru confess his feelings? Or no?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. (First Story) Flowers Death - Chapter 4: It Goes From Good To Bad To Worse So Fast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Haru thinks nothing can be worse than this, he is not aware how he was wrong. <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤  “Who is it, Haru?” Rin spoke after a few minutes of unnerving silence, but Haru didn’t reply him. All he could think was Rin had learned he had learned his hanahaki disease.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! This story may be uncomfortable for some people! So if you are affected easily please don't read the story! <br/>I won't tolerate any hate comments! <br/>Side Note: To be honest, I really don't like the first story on this work, but I promise better stories will come! <br/>I love you all and thank you for leaving kudos! <br/>Side Note 2: I almost forgot to update today!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">You smiled without noticing<br/>I always stared at your profile</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who is it, Haru?” Rin spoke after a few minutes of unnerving silence, but Haru didn’t reply him. All he could think was Rin had learned he had learned his hanahaki disease. Rin grabbed Haru’s shoulders and shook him violently when he understood Haru was not intended to answer him. “Answer me!” He yelled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru bit his lip, but he didn’t answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who do you like?” Rin hissed. He really wanted to kill the person who hurt Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>However, Haru was still silent. He couldn’t tell Rin that the person he liked was him. Rin already had a boyfriend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just tell me.” Rin spoke through his gritted teeth. His nails were digging into Haru’s skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru gulped. “Not yet…” He had never seen Rin angry that much. He tried to shake Rin’s hands away. “Rin, you are hurting my arms.” Actually, he didn’t feel anything when it was compared to the pain which he felt in his heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin loosened his grip on Haru’s arms. His skin was bleeding where Rin’s nails sinked into his skin. “Then when? This is serious Haru! You can die!” The tears filled Rin’s eyes after he told the last word. The thought of his childhood friend would be gone forever made his heart ache. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru frowned. “I don’t care about dying because of this.” Suddenly he felt a pain on his cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are stupid!” Rin yelled at Haru. “Tell me who is it? Maybe…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru clenched his fists and cut Rin’s words. “Maybe what? What are you going to do if I tell you? Are you going to punch them? Or are you going to tell them to love me back?” Rin opened his mouth to say something, but Haru raised his hand to stop him before he could say something. “Don’t bother. They already have a lover.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Rin pulled Haru into his arms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru wanted to tell Rin to stop hugging him, he wanted to get rid of Rin’s arms. It was ironic. Rin was the one who made him suffer, but he was also the one who comforted him the most. “I can’t tell my feelings to them…” Haru whispered while the tears flowing down his cheeks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m really convinced that you are a masochistic.” Rin sighed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course I am not and this is not a right time to make a joke.” Haru let out a sigh as well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then why don’t you tell them?” Rin yelled again. He thought about the person who Haru loved. Who could it be? Haru was close to just a few people. Rin never thought Haru would attach to someone romantically. Haru was a distant person. He always had a flat face and he would rarely smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They already have a lover, Rin,” Haru said with an annoyed voice. “They will just laugh at me. This is what will happen if I tell them my feelings.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just tell them, Haru,” Rin insisted. “How do you know that they will never love you back?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you really want to know, Rin?” He stared into Rin’s eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes,” Rin replied. “I really want to know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again… There was an unnerving silence. Haru’s heart was beating his chest. What did he get himself into? “You will be disappointed Rin…” Haru mumbled, his words were almost inaudible.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, Haru.” Rin started to be annoyed slowly. “I will be the same.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was not enough… That wouldn’t change anything. If he told Rin how much he loved him, how much he needed him, that wouldn’t change anything. Rin loved Sousuke, not him. “Then there is no point of telling you.” Haru spoke with a cold voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru’s words were cold enough to shudder Rin. “I don’t want you to die, Haru.” He held Haru protectively in his arms as if he could stop hanahaki. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru wished the time would stop, so he could stay in Rin’s arms forever. He could hear Rin’s heartbeats, but his heart was beating for someone else.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you don’t want to tell your feelings to this person, then maybe…” Rin started talking.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru cut Rin’s words knowing what he was going to say. “I don’t want to lose my feelings for this person, Rin. So, if you want to do me a favor, don’t talk about it to anyone! I don’t need anyone’s pity!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin knew Haru was stubborn. He knew that there was no way for Haru to change his mind. If he says no it means no. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Rin thought about Haru all night long, he was worried about his childhood friend and he wanted to make the person who hurt Haru suffer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the other hand, Haru felt Rin’s worry. Rin cared about him of course, but as a friend and that was all. He wanted to assure Rin that everything would be okay, but he couldn’t do it. Nothing would be okay unless Rin love him back. Or unless he lose his love… Forever. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He coughed and vomited blood in every 45 minutes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He panted and gasped for air after the coughing and vomiting finally stopped. He felt his insides boiled with anger. He hated Rin. He didn’t want to see Rin again. Rin called him every hour, but Haru didn’t answer his calls. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though it was 03.00 in the morning, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed and switched his phone off. He curled in a fetal position and started to cry. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>Haru went to school in the morning as always. His chest began hurting like hell when he saw the scene which he didn’t want to see ever again. Rin was hugging with Sousuke. Haru held his heart. ‘I wish…’ He thought to himself. ‘I wish I told you how much I love you last night.” He chuckled to himself. That would be definitely the most stupid thing which he could do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears filled Haru’s eyes. Rin was shattering his heart, but he still loved him with every piece of his heart even though it hurt him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t stop his feelings for Rin no matter how hard he tried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was too hard to resist those feelings. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t worth the pain he was feeling… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin had better choices than him… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru felt dizzy. He doubled over and coughed blood. He fell onto the ground and struggling to breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru!” Rin ran over to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the last thing he heard before everything went black. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Uh oh... <br/>What happened to Haru? <br/>We will see in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 5: It Was Only Just A Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maybe it was only just a dream, but it scared both of them.<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ “Just let me sleep with you tonight.” Rin said in a pleading voice. “I need to feel your heartbeats tonight… Please Haru.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I died off overloading cringe &gt;w</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">Since the beginning<br/>
I only wished for your happiness<br/>
Even if it won’t be with me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru woke up breathless. He looked around and felt relieved when he found himself in his familiar room. It was only just a dream. No, it was a vivid nightmare. He had seen his biggest fear in his dream. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He felt someone moved. It was Makoto. He stayed with Haru almost every night. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Haru. “Did you have a nightmare?” Makoto asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah…” Before Haru could continue speaking he began coughing covering his mouth with his hand. When he coughed into his hand, his palm came back full of blood stained flower petals and flower buds. The bloody petals fell onto the bed sheets slowly. “Love and pain are always interwined.” Haru mumbled to himself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If it hurts you… Then let it go…” Makoto mumbled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t…” Makoto rejected. “I can’t do that…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Stop your feelings for him Haru!’ He scolded himself. ‘He will never love you back.’ He was going to die because of his love for Rin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why don’t you just tell him, Haru?” Makoto asked. “You can’t know whether he will love you back if you don’t ask him.” Makoto was sick of it. All he wanted was seeing Haru happy. On the other hand he couldn’t really blame Rin. Yes, Rin was not innocent at all, he was just oblivious Haru’s love for him. “You are stupid, Haru. You are really stupid.” Makoto grunted and got out of the bed kicking the quilt away. He headed to the front door and slammed the door to show how much he was angry at Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. There was no use. Everything he did to forget Rin was a vain. He knew he should have stopped his feelings for Eren and focus on his life. He wanted to hate Rin. He wanted it really badly. If Rin was a bad person, everything would have been easier, but he was a kind person. He was so kind and considerate… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘However, he is not yours.’ This fact made his heart shatter. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Maybe he shouldn’t have fallen in love with Rin in the first place. Rin was his childhood friend. Haru was just Rin’s childhood friend. They were nothing more than this. Rin was a good person. He was attractive. Briefly, Rin had everything to make someone fall in love with themselves, but why must he loved Eren? He hated the fact that his heart began beating fast whenever he saw Rin’s face? Rin was out of his league. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru buried his face into the pillows and let out muffled sobs. Maybe he wanted too much. It hurts when you love someone and they don’t love you back. He coughed petals into his hand. The blood was flowing down to his chin to his neck, his hands were stained with blood. The roots of flowers were still growing in his lungs. He didn’t know how long he had been coughing the flower petals when he heard a knock on his door. He thought Makoto was worried about him and came back, but then he remembered Makoto had the spare key, so it couldn’t have been Makoto. Haru was confused and went downstairs to open the door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he opened the door, he saw Rin was standing there with red eyes. “What are you doing here Rin?” Haru snapped crossing his arms. Actually he was happy to see Rin, but he was pushing him away. Because Rin was the reason why he was suffering right now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I had a bad dream about you…” Rin said ignoring Haru’s behaviors, the tears were flowing down his cheeks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So you came here just because you had a bad dream about me?” Haru squinted his eyes in suspicion. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t you want to hear about my dream?” Rin asked letting out a sigh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru took a deep breath before answering. “Fine, tell me about it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The tears he wiped away began flowing down his cheeks again. “You died in my arms in the dream.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was glad the room was dark and Rin couldn’t see his eyes filled with tears. Suddenly he felt the arms holding him tight. Rin was hugging him so tight that he couldn’t breathe properly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few seconds Haru got out of Rin’s arms slowly. “I still don’t understand what do you want.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just let me sleep with you tonight.” Rin said in a pleading voice. “I need to feel your heartbeats tonight… Please Haru.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. “Okay…” He went to his room and laid on bed. He left some space for Rin. Rin laid next to Haru and pulled him to his chest. Haru was definitely aware that it was wrong. He shouldn’t have let Rin to lay next to him. He shouldn’t have let Rin to touch him like that. “Rin… This is wrong…” He whispered, but Rin didn’t hear him since he had already fallen asleep. He watched Rin, his face looked so peaceful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself to get some sleep. Because he didn’t know when he will have a chance to sleep with Rin again. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>A week had passed since Haru slept with Rin. Since that day, Haru had been avoiding Rin, but it was hard. They would always see each other in the swimming practices, so he always had to see how Sousuke and Rin were awfully close. Rin would act like nothing had happened. He would rarely talk with Haru and even when they talked they were just talking about swimming practices. Haru’s hope about Rin will love him someday was fading away with every passing day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why must I love him?” Haru was alone at home and he was drinking. He didn’t care about being healthy anymore. After all he was going to die. Death was not scary for him anymore. At least, he wasn’t going to be in pain anymore. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you play with fire… You are burn.” He chuckled to himself and hiccupped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He rolled his eyes when he heard someone knocked the door. “Why don’t anyone leave me alone?” He got up and began walking to the door, ignoring the fact that he was stumbling. When he opened the door he was surprised that he saw Rin was standing there. There was no reason for him to come, but he was there. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are you doing in here, Rin?” Haru hiccupped. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter:<br/>Rin does something which he shouldn't have done in the first place.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. (First Story) Flowers Of Death Chapter 6: The Worst Part Of It All Is That I Still Want Someone Who Never Wanted Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rin does something which he cannot take back anymore and now it affected both of them in a way which can never rewind. <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤  “I’m sorry…” Rin whispered. “I shouldn’t have done this. I’m belong to Sousuke.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow... My depression is really affecting my writing hahah! <br/>After June 19 I hope everything will be better...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">Until the very end<br/>I’ll hide my feelings for you<br/>And push your back from the side<br/>I want your happiness more than anybody else<br/><br/></span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin frowned and looked at Haru. “Haru, are you drunk?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It doesn’t matter.” Haru hiccupped again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It is matter.” Eren said. “Haru, why don’t you accept the surgery? Whoever this person is, they hurt you. Then why do you still love them?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I wish I knew.” Haru sighed and rubbed his temples. His head began hurting already. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What do you mean?” Rin asked, slightly confused. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If I knew why I love them, that wouldn’t be love. I don’t think you will understand what love is.” Haru sighed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So is love dying for someone who doesn’t care about you?” Rin yelled and punched the wall in anger. “You can get rid of this disease! Then why do you choose dying instead of keep on living?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru frowned. “I prefer to die rather than losing my feelings for this person.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin sighed and stayed quiet. The silence between them was unbearable. He gazed Haru up and down as if he had never seen him before. He never noticed Haru was so attractive. His skin was flawless even though he had lost a lot of weight and his eyes were a lighter tone. There were dark bags under his eyes. His lips were so pale that they were almost white. Rin suddenly wanted to kiss Haru so badly. The reason why he stayed away from Haru was he had strange feelings around Haru. Whenever he was close to Haru, his heart began beating fast and he couldn’t explain the reason why. He shouldn’t have felt like that. He had a boyfriend, but he couldn’t help but feeling attraction toward Haru. This attraction was way more stronger than he felt toward Sousuke. He didn’t know when or how it started. It just happened so suddenly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin did something which he thought he would never do. He put his index finger under Haru’s chin and lifted his chin up. There were just a few inches between their faces. Rin pressed his lips against Haru’s. Haru’s eyes went wide and he stayed still like a sculpture in Rin’s arms. He was too surprised to react. Eventually, he closed his eyes slowly and kissed back. He knew it was wrong and he knew he should have pushed Rin away. He let the warm tears flowing down his cheeks. He felt Rin pulled him closer. They were so close to each other that Haru felt as if they were in one body. Nothing was important at that moment. Eren was the only important thing at that moment. Only the moment they shared was important at that moment. Haru put his hand on Rin’s nape to deepen the kiss. Their lips were moving in harmony. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few minutes Rin was the one who broke the kiss. His eyes were locked into Haru’s teary eyes. “I’m sorry…” Rin whispered. “I shouldn’t have done this. I’m belong to Sousuke.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru just froze. Those words cut him like knives. He was so lost in the kiss they shared that he forgot about Sousuke, he forgot the fact that Rin was not belong to him. “Then get out.” Haru spoke with a calm voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Rin tried to say something, but there was no way to explain the disgrace which he did. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Get out!” Haru yelled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With that Rin left Haru’s house. Haru’s heart shattered into million pieces for the millionth time as he was watching Rin’s going. His legs felt weak and he collapsed onto the ground. “The worst part of it all is that I desperately still want someone who never wanted me.” Haru sobbed. He went into a coughing fit again. He coughed and coughed harshly several times. He was coughing blood uncontrollably. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru always blamed himself for what happened. Since he didn’t keep his promise he was punished with the curse of unrequited love. He was struggling to breathe, but every time he breath his lungs ached. He had no strength to move. He was about to pass out. He turned on his side and coughed. The blood stained the carpet and the petals covered the floor. Some of the petals flew away from the open window. The pain in his chest and throat was killing him. ‘I need to get up…’ He thought. He needed to clean this mess before Makoto saw this, but he was too tired. He needed a nap. A long nap… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could barely hear the door cracked open before drifting into a deep darkness. “Haru?” Makoto called out. He just decided to check on Haru worrying about something was wrong. There was no answer which added more worry to Makoto. “Haru?” He called out again. There was still no answer. Makoto ran to the lounge room and saw Haru was laying on his side on the ground. He was unconscious and blood was dripping down from his chin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto screamed at the sight. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>Haru opened his eyes in an unfamiliar room. The walls were white, there was a cable on his arm and there was an oxygen mask over his mouth. He looked around and saw Makoto’s and other friends’ worried faces. Makoto was crying and he hugged Haru tightly when he saw he was awake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed and rubbed Makoto’s back. He removed the oxygen mask from his face. “Hey, Makoto, calm down. I’m okay.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stop lying!” Makoto yelled at Haru. “You always say you are okay even though your disease is getting worse! I shouldn’t have hid your disease! I should have dragged you here before!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As soon as Makoto finished his sentence Rei frowned. “So you knew about his disease and hid it from us?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed, he didn’t want them to fight. “It is not Makoto’s fault. I wanted him not to tell anyone, because I knew all of you would force me to have the surgery.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course you will have the surgery.” Nagisa exclaimed. “Won’t you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru shook his head. “I won’t.” He said simply. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haruka senpai, you are not aware how much it is bad. Even the doctors were surprised that you are still alive. The only chance for you to survive is the surgery.” Rei explained trying to convince Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Why don’t they let me die in peace?’ Haru thought. “I didn’t know it was bad that much,” he lied. He knew that he was drifting into a certain death, but he didn’t care. He was too tired. He was tired of this world. He wanted peace. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You have gotten into the second stage,” Rei said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was sick of hearing these things. “Leave me alone,” he said. “Please.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Makoto tried to refuse, but Haru stopped him from saying anything. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I want to be alone.” He snapped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto sighed and left the room with the others.  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Do you think if Rin will be able to stay away from Haru from now on?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 7: You're The Love That I Hate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haru finally had enough and decided to tell his feelings to Rin. Will he really do that? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ “I will tell Rin my feelings for him.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last 3 chapter~<br/>Warning! <br/>This chapter may be uncomfortable for some people. If you don't like it, please don't read. I won't tolerate any hate comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">What are you doing now<br/>Is the thing I really hate to hear <br/>But I keep listening <br/>Because I prefer that <br/>To not being able to see you anymore</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Through of the day, Haru was in and out of the consciousness. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would see Rin in his dreams. It was impossible. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get over Rin. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Rin out of his mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Whatever…” He sighed. He hated hospitals too much. He pulled the cable off of his arm and got out of the bed. He walked to the door and walked to the hall. Makoto was sleeping on the chairs, Rei and Nagisa were not around. He shook Makoto a little. “Hmmhh…” Makoto shifted in his sleep, but didn’t wake up. Haru sighed and shook Makoto again. “Makoto.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto eventually opened his eyes and looked at Haru confused. “Why aren’t you in your bed?” Makoto asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I want to go home,” Haru said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto sat up. “Are you out of your mind, Haru? Aren’t you aware how your hanahaki is bad?” Makoto yelled. A nurse stared at Makoto and gave him a warning. Makoto lowered his voice. “You have to stay in here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed and started counting to ten to calm himself down. “Look, I don’t want to spend my last days in here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto couldn’t help and slapped Haru. “Don’t talk like that.” Since he didn’t want to be warned again, he was talking with a low voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Just take me away from here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto took a deep breath and got up. “Fine, fine. You are so stubborn. I will talk to your doctor.” He fixed his creased shirt and his messy hair. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you.” Haru sighed with relief. The last thing he wanted was waiting for death in a hospital room. He sat on the chair as Makoto was walking away. He leaned on his back and closed his eyes trying to calm himself down. The thoughts in his mind were suffocating him. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“It was hard to convince them, but they let you out.” Haru opened his eyes when he heard Makoto’s voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Makoto,” Haru said. “I made a decision.” </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“Are you going to say something?” Makoto asked impatiently. It had been minutes and since Haru told him that he made a decision, but he hadn’t said anything yet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sighed. He was ready to hear Makoto’s scoldings. It was not like he was going to change his mind, but he didn’t want to deal with that. He took a deep breath again. “I will tell Rin my feelings for him.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto’s eyes went wide. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Makoto yelled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was surprised that he heard Makoto swore for the first time. Everyone was looking at them. Haru frowned and pulled Makoto away from the crowd. “Hey, don’t yell, Makoto. People are looking at us.” Haru frowned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care about people! Are you fucking serious about what you said?” Makoto grabbed Haru’s collar. “You aren’t going to confess your feelings to Rin, are you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru held Makoto’s wrists and pulled them off of his collar. “Yes, I will confess my feelings for him. I have nothing to lose after all.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You will be hurt more!” Makoto said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care,” Haru said and walked away leaving Makoto behind.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“Haru, why did you call me here?” Rin asked curiously. He was nervous and his palms were sweaty. Haru called him there about a few minutes ago, but he hadn’t said anything yet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru wasn’t brave at that moment just like before. He couldn’t take the pain of being rejected. “You know what, forget about it.” Haru ran away without looking back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru!” Rin called out, but Haru didn’t hear him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t confess his feelings for Rin. He was scared of being rejected. He was scared of being broken again. He walked on the beach for a while before going home. There were gray clouds in the sky. It was about to rain so he reluctantly began walking to home. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>Haru was laying on his bed and he sat up when he heard a click which was coming from his window. He thought he heard wrong until he heard the click again. He frowned and opened his window. When he opened the window Rin fell on top of him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin, what are you doing in here?” Haru groaned as he was trying to push Rin off on him. “Why did you get in through the window? Why didn’t you use the door like normal people?” He snapped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin chuckled. “I tried to walk away, but every time I found myself walking here, to you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru could smell the alcohol which was coming from Rin. He frowned. “Rin you are drunk!” Haru hissed and tried to push Rin away. This time he wasn’t going to let Rin to shatter his heart. “You don’t know what you are saying.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I may be drunk, but I know what I’m saying.” Rin hiccupped and held Haru close to himself. “My heart doesn’t listen to me. I want you. Even though I know that I shouldn’t, I still do.” Rin pressed his lips against Haru’s lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru knew his heart was going to be broken again, but he couldn’t find the strength to push Rin away in himself. Rin broke the kiss after a while. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru gasped for air. “Rin… I…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin kissed Haru again before he could finish his sentence. Haru put his hand on Rin’s chest and pushed him away. “Stop, you can’t kiss me whenever you want.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Rin began speaking, but his words were cut by Haru rudely. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru frowned. “What do you want? You are the one who told me that you are belong to Sousuke and what we did was wrong.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Rin tried to speak again, but Haru cut him again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just go Rin…” Haru said with a shaking voice. “Get out of my life.” He was trying to hold his tears back. He was confusing Haru. He told him that he was belong to Sousuke, but he was still there. He didn’t want to see Rin ever again. Rin was hurting him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin had no idea how Haru’s heart was racing whenever he saw him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin had no idea how much these little moments with him mean to Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin please get out.” Haru spoke with a weak voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru…” Rin tried to calm Haru down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Get out!” Haru’s voice was louder than he was intended. With that Rin left. As soon as Rin left Haru bursted into tears. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Haru could hardly sleep that night and he woke up in the middle of the night feeling breathless. He coughed bloody petals and he could reach the phone and texted Makoto. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Help me!’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
  <span class="u">I’ll stay there a little more<br/>Before I fell so hard for you<br/>Our hands must have met sometime</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will try something new for the last three chapters~<br/>I also decided not writing less than 2000 words anymore, so my updates may become more slower (or not) since writing good is so important to me and it takes time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 8: You Won't Even Notice That I'm Gone...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alternative ending one: Haru dies because of Hanahaki disease and Rin is send to a rehabilitation center since he always blames himself for Haru's death. <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ Haru held Rin’s hand and squeezed it gently. “It is too late for me, Rin…”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There will be three alternative endings in this story (no spoilers)!<br/>I just wanted to try something new and different! What do you think about it? Please let me know in the comments! Well... It is totally because I couldn't decide which ending I should do hahah! I hope you won't kill me because of the first alternative ending...<br/>To the people who reads and will read my story: I love you all! </p><p>Warning!<br/>This story contains character death and sad themes, if you don't like it or affected easily, please don't read the story!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">How can I grasp him after he turned to smoke?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">I’m the one that choose to fall in love with you<br/>
Even if I can’t tell you my feelings<br/>
I want to cherish these feelings</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How is he?” Rin rushed into Haru’s room as soon as he heard the news. He wanted to cry when he saw Haru. Haru was so pale and he was sleeping with an oxygen mask over his mouth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The doctors don’t tell anything. I don’t know if he is okay or not.” Makoto replied crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin buried his face into his hands and began sobbing. He spent his time by sitting on the chair which was next to Haru’s bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru finally woke up in the evening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin was sleeping on the chair. Haru began stroking Rin’s hair slowly. Rin woke up slowly. “Haru?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry…” Haru whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you tell me that you were getting worse?” Rin sobbed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I didn’t want to make you worry.” Haru explained through his labored breaths. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“There must be something to do!” Rin screamed as the tears were flowing down his cheeks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru held Rin’s hand and squeezed it gently. “It is too late for me, Rin…” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Haru stayed in the hospital for weeks. His hanahaki disease had gotten worse so much that it had collapsed his lungs. He couldn’t breathe properly without the oxygen mask. Rin was always there for him. He would barely left his side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor told them that day was most likely Haru’s last day. All of his friends were there, trying to hold their tears back. Haru had a weak smile on his face. “Everything is going to be okay.” He had said this a few times even though he had just a few minutes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, it won’t!” Rin yelled. “We have just a few minutes!” He began crying. He didn’t want to cry in front of Haru, but he couldn’t help it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru’s eyes met with Rin’s eyes. He held Rin’s hand and Rin noticed how Haru’s hand was cold. “Don’t cry Rin.” He handed Rin a letter. “Read this after I’m gone…” He coughed and a few petals came out of his mouth. “I don’t like goodbyes… So see you later Rin.” He spoke through his heavy breaths. These were his last words before he began coughing harshly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctors wanted everyone to wait outside. Rin resisted but he was taken to the hall by Makoto. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Minutes felt like hours as Rin was pacing around impatiently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the doctors went out, Rin saw they had a sad look on their faces. When he saw the doctors like that his heart almost stopped. He rushed to them. “Where is Haru? Is he going to be fine?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, but there was nothing we could do for him. He had already gotten into the last stage.” The doctor explained. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin shook his head in disbelief. “No! No! Stop lying!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rei, Nagisa and Makoto were crying silently. They were so shocked that they couldn’t make any sound. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin’s knees felt weak and he collapsed onto the ground. “Haru, please don’t leave me like this!” He screamed even though he knew that Haru couldn’t hear him. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>The funeral was a blur to Rin. It was the worst part of the farewell. It was really hard to say goodbye to a person who you love very much. In that day, Rin realized how much he hated goodbyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After the funeral Rin began reading the letter which Haru gave him. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
  <strong>
    <em>Dear Rin, </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I know this is hard for you, but I want you to be strong. I want you to be strong because have to live without me from now on. I love you so much, please never forget that. Even though I’m not here anymore, the sun will rise every day. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We had a lot of beautiful memories. The days which I spent with you were the best times of my life. I’m really grateful that I met someone just like you. My life was boring and I didn’t know what love was. You brought the light to my dull life and taught me the meaning of love. I will keep every moment I spent with you in my heart. I know, these are my last moments, but I’m happy. Because I saw you by my side. If I could, I would spend more days with you. I want you to live your life happily. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I can see the setting sun through the windows… This is the last time I see the sunset. Those are my last words for you Rin… So please never forget that. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I have loved you in this life and I will love you in the next. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Even though our story doesn’t have a happy ending, I’m glad that you were the part of my life. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Goodbye Rin. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Oh wait, I don’t like goodbyes. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>See you later Rin. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I will be watching you from the above. I will wait for you. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin began laughing as the tears were flowing down his cheeks. “You are an idiot, Haru. You are really an idiot.” He laughed for a while before bursting into the sobs. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Rin and Sousuke were sitting together. Rin was sent to a rehabilitation for psychological support since he was constantly blaming himself for Haru’s death. It was the first time he had visited Rin in the rehabilitation. There was an unnerving silence between them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sousuke cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Look Rin, it is not that I do not have feelings for you anymore, but the feelings I once had, have changed to something different.” Rin clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. ‘Is that a kind way to say that you don’t want to be together with an insane person?’ Sousuke continued talking. “Thus, I don’t think I am able to continue being with you. I want you to know that I still care about you and I will be always there for you when you need me, just not as your boyfriend.” These words made Rin angry because he knew Sousuke was lying. If he was going to be there for him, then why would he break up with him when he needed him the most? “So… Goodbye.” Sousuke finished his speech. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin wanted to say a lot of things, but he didn’t. “Goodbye.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the last time he saw Sousuke. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em><span class="u">To your grave, I spoke</span><br/>
Holding a red, red rose<br/>
Gusts of freezing cold air<br/>
Whispers to me that you are gone</em>
</p><p>
  
  <em>Rin got on his knees and cleaned Haru’s grave a bit before placing a white rose bouquet on it. He had been living without Haru for 15 years. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I still love you so much, Haru.” That was true and he didn’t think he would ever stop loving Haru. Nothing was the same without Haru. Everything was boring and dull. He missed Haru in every second of the day. Their memories were running through his head. Every moment of his life, he would think about Haru. Losing him was a tragedy for Rin. It was his fault. If Rin had returned to Haru’s love, Haru would still be alive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are still here.” Rin put his hand on his heart. “You are always here and didn’t leave me just like you promised. Haru… I never stopped loving you and I never will. I wish I could hug you now… I wish I could touch you now… I wish I could talk to you now… In fact, I just wish I could be with you right now…” Rin’s voice cracked and he sobbed. “If I could notice your feelings earlier… You would be here with me…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He pulled the letter which Haru wrote for him the day when he died out. He read it again and again. He smiled as he was reading the letter. Haru could still made him happy even though he was not there anymore. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He took a deep breath before he continued talking. “You were always right Haru. I hope you can still hear me… You kept your promise. You never left me. Sometimes, when I go to sleep I feel your presence with me.” Rin felt someone was hugging him. He smiled softly. “You are here with me right now. I can feel you by my side. I love you Haru, forever and always.” He sighed softly and stood up. “I need to go now, but I will come back in a week. So don’t miss me that much.” He gave a little smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin could swear a familiar voice whispered into his ear. “I love you Rin, forever and always.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears of happiness began flowing down Rin’s cheeks. He didn’t feel scared, he felt happy. Haru was there. “Always and forever Haru.” He wiped his tears away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before leaving, Rin saw Haru’s ghostly figure was standing in front of him and gave him a smile before he disappeared. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>These endings are not related to each other, so if you don't want to read the sad ending, you can skip to chapter 10 (when I write of course heheh) which is a happy ending.<br/>Beginning of every alternative ending is same, after some point it will change.<br/>Just a tiny bit of spoilers: Sousuke and Rin are never end up being together in any endings. I hope SouRin shippers who read this story won't kill me! Well... After all this work is for RinHaru ship.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 9: Like Nothing Never Happened, Haven't Seen You Before?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alternative ending two: Haru decides to get the surgery to get rid of his feelings for Rin. Is it the best idea?<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ “How are you feeling Haru?” Rin asked with a soft voice.<br/>“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Haru asked.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the second alternative ending of Flowers Of Death story.<br/>I hope you will like this!<br/>Note: The alternative endings are not related to each other. So if you don't want to read sad ending, you don't have to read chapter 8.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">I’m serious.<br/>
I miss you.<br/>
But,<br/>
Being beside you<br/>
It still hurts me<br/>
You know I fell in love with you<br/>
Even before he did<br/>
If you love him as much as I do of you<br/>
Then I know I’m not the right one</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How is he?” Rin rushed into Haru’s room as soon as he heard the news. He wanted to cry when he saw Haru. Haru was so pale and he was sleeping with an oxygen mask over his mouth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The doctors don’t tell anything. I don’t know if he is okay or not.” Makoto replied crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin buried his face into his hands and began sobbing. He spent his time by sitting on the chair which was next to Haru’s bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru finally woke up in the evening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin was sleeping on the chair. Haru frowned and clutched the cover on him tightly. Rin was the last person he wanted to see at that moment. He closed his eyes quickly when he saw Rin began waking up. He didn’t want to talk with Rin at that moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know you are awake, Haru.” Rin spoke. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru opened his eyes reluctantly when he heard Rin’s voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you tell me that your hanahaki got worse?” Rin asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I didn’t think you would be interested.” Haru rolled his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why wouldn’t I care about my childhood friend’s disease?” Rin frowned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sensed they were going to argue if they continued this conversation. “Where is Makoto?” He asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin sighed. “He went to buy something to eat.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” Haru sighed. “When he comes back, I want to talk with him about something.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“What did you wanted to talk about with me?” Makoto asked curiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As soon as Makoto came into the room, Haru asked Rin to leave the room and told Makoto that he wanted to talk with him alone. “I decided to have the surgery.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto’s eyes went wide. “Really? You were so stubborn about not getting the surgery. What made you change your mind?” Makoto asked curiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Loving him hurts me…” Haru said with a weak voice. “Because I already lost him.” Haru handed Makoto a letter. “You know, after the surgery, I will forget everything about Rin. Can you give this note to him for me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto nodded his head. “Of course.” </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>It had been three days since Haru got the surgery, but Haru hadn’t open his eyes yet even though the doctor told the surgery was successful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Makoto and Rin never left his side even for a second. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin was holding the note which Haru wrote for him. He didn’t know how many times he read the note. Every single word were running through his mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Rin, I love you so much or… Should I say I loved you. Because I will forget everything about you after the surgery. I love you, but being by your side hurts me. I’m in love with you. I fell in love with you even before Sousuke did, but I see that you love Sousuke as much as I love you. So I know that he is the right one for you. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Tears began flowing down Rin’s cheeks. It was his fault that Haru was in this situation.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>Four more days passed. It had been exact one week, but Haru was still sleeping. Rin and Makoto were slowly losing their hope. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was almost evening when Haru woke up. He looked around. Makoto was sleeping on the couch and… He couldn’t remember who was the red haired male who was sleeping on the chair which was next to his bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Water…” He whispered weakly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even his voice was hardly audible, the red haired male heard him and gave him some water. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After he drank the water he thanked the red haired male. “Thank you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How are you feeling Haru?” Rin asked with a soft voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Haru asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Those six words shattered Rin’s world even though he already knew that Haru was going to forget about him after the surgery. “I’m your friend.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry, but I don’t remember you…” Haru explained.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I-It’s okay…” Rin looked away to hide his teary eyes from Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had been a week since Haru was released from the hospital. Rin didn’t leave his side whole time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sousuke tried to call Rin several times, but Rin didn’t answer. He didn’t want to, but at some point he had to answer Sousuke’s calls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He ran his hand through his hair. This was not something which he could talk through the phone, so he texted him that wanted to meet him. It should have been done at some point. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>“So why did you call me here?” Sousuke asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no need for chit chat. It would make things longer. So Rin immediately got to the point. “I want to break up.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sousuke squinted his eyes. “Oh, so that was the reason why you never answered my calls.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin nodded his head and looked down. “I’m sorry, but the thing between us was not working.” He felt really guilty, but at the same time he knew it was the right thing to do. After all his heart was not belong to Sousuke anymore. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sousuke sighed, but he didn’t insisted about staying together. “Okay, as you wish.” With that he got up and walked away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin didn’t try to stop Sousuke. Because he was already thinking a way to win Haru’s heart again. That’s why he didn’t have time to feel sad for Sousuke’s absence. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>“Do you remember this?” Rin asked showing a picture to Haru. It was taken while they were looking at a sakura tree smiling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru shook his head. “No… I’m sorry…” When he saw the sadness in red haired male’s Haru felt guilty. “Were we close to each other?” Even though they talked about it before, Haru kept forgetting about it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>However Rin never gave up. “Yes, we were childhood friends.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then why don’t I remember you?” Haru asked. “I remember Makoto, Nagisa and Rei, but I don’t remember anything about you. Why?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin hesitated about telling the truth to Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru noticed that Rin was hesitating. He held Rin’s hand. “Please tell me. It is annoying not remembering the half of my life.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin sighed. “Alright, if you want to know about it that much.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru nodded his head. “Yes, I really want to know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin nodded his head. “Okay then, I will tell you…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru waited for him to explained. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It is my fault that you are in this situation right now…” A tear drop fell from his left eye. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was confused. “How is this your fault? What did even happen to me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no meaning for hiding it anymore. That’s why Rin decided to get into the point. “You decided to love me, but I never noticed your feelings for me… That’s why you got hanahaki disease… Because of me…” He was crying harder now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hanahaki… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This word was familiar to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey… Don’t cry… Just tell me what happened afterward.” Haru said annoyed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The red haired male wiped his tears before he continued talking. “Because of me you had the surgery and forgot everything about me…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like nothing never happened, haven’t seen you before?” Haru asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes.” Rin held Haru’s hand. “Haru, please give yourself another chance to love me again and I promise I will do my best to make everything right this time. Will you give me one more chance?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru nodded his head and pulled Rin into a loving hug. “Yes.” He said without thinking about it that much. “I will give you another chance.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin felt relieved as he melted into the hug. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No matter what he was going to keep his promise and was going to make Haru happy this time. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next chapter is the last alternative ending of Flowers Of Death!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. (First Story) Flowers Of Death - Chapter 10: And I Love The Way You Kill Me, Love The Way You Heal Me (Final)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alternative ending three: Rin realizes how much he loves Haru and returns his feelings. <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤  “I’m not sad about this,” Rin said making Haru confused. “Because, in that way, I realized my true feelings.” <br/>“What are your true feelings?” Haru asked. <br/>“I love you Haru.” Rin cupped Haru’s face. “I never noticed that before, but I love you, Haru.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note: These endings are not related to each other so if you don't want to read sad ending, you don't have to read chapter 8. <br/>This is the happy ending of the story! <br/>So I hope you will like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">Since the beginning<br/>I only wished for your happiness<br/>Even if it won’t be with me<br/>Until the very end <br/>I’ll hide my feelings for you<br/>And push your back from the side<br/>I want your happiness more than anybody else <br/></span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“How is he?” Rin rushed into Haru’s room as soon as he heard the news. He wanted to cry when he saw Haru. Haru was so pale and he was sleeping with an oxygen mask over his mouth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The doctors don’t tell anything. I don’t know if he is okay or not.” Makoto replied crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin buried his face into his hands and began sobbing. He spent his time by sitting on the chair which was next to Haru’s bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When a doctor walked in Rin and Makoto got up at the same time. “How is he?” Rin asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor looked at them in sadness. “It is the most severe case I have ever seen in my life. It is a miracle that he is still alive.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin felt his knees weak after he heard what the doctor said, but he was happy at the same time to see Haru was alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He really wanted to kill the person who made Haru suffer. He really wanted to know who this person was.  He thought about the people who Haru talked with. No matter how many times he thought, the result was always the same. “Does Haru like me?” Rin mumbled. “No… He never gave me any hint…” He didn’t have any option but to wait Haru to wake up. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Rin was waiting by Haru’s side once again. He was waiting for Haru to wake up, but it had already been days. Rin was slowly losing hope. He couldn’t stand being there anymore.    He left the hospital and began walking around aimlessly. While he was walking around every moment he shared with Haru. He was so lost in the memories that the sound of phone ringing scared him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After he calmed down, Rin pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw Sousuke was calling him. Rin was surprised because Sousuke would never call him unless there is something important. He answered the phone. “Yes?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin… You know I don’t like unnecessary talks, so I will get into the point immediately.” Sousuke started. “I want to break up.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin was so shocked that he couldn’t talk for a while. “What?” That was what he could say. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see that you don’t have feelings for me anymore. So there is no meaning for making things any farther. So good luck in your life.” Sousuke spoke with a plain voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you, you too.” Rin said and they hung up the phone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin didn’t know how long he was standing there. He thought Sousuke’s words over and over. More than being upset, he was just surprised because of their break up, but now he noticed his true feelings he ran back to the hospital hoping that he was not late to tell his feelings to Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he arrived to the hospital, he saw some doctors were rushing to Haru’s room. Rin’s heart began beating fast in worry. He ran to Haru’s room as well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he got into Haru’s room breathless, he saw Haru was awake. He took a deep breath. Haru was looking at him. He sat up slowly. “Rin?” He said as if he was trying to understand if he was dreaming or it was a reality.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin didn’t say anything, he just approached Haru and hugged him. Haru was surprised, but he hugged back.  “I’m sorry…” He heard Rin whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why are you sorry?” Haru was confused. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“For not noticing your feelings before,” Rin replied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was surprised and embarrassed. “Did you know my feelings?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin smiled. “I understood it when I really thought about it…” He let out a nervous laugh and reached to Haru. He pressed his lips against Haru. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was so shocked. What about Sousuke? When he remembered about Sousuke he pushed Rin away. “You are with Sousuke, it is wrong…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin shook his head. “No, Sousuke broke up with me today.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh…” Haru looked down. He didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry to hear that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not sad about this,” Rin said making Haru confused. “Because, in that way, I realized my true feelings.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are your true feelings?” Haru asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you Haru.” Rin cupped Haru’s face. “I never noticed that before, but I love you, Haru.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This time Haru was the one who connected their lips. Rin immediately kissed back. Haru closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. He was so scared that it was a dream, because it was too perfect to be true. The warmth he felt on his lips was the evidence of he was not dreaming.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a while they pulled away for air. Then Haru felt something. He could breathe without needing the assistance of oxygen mask. “R-Rin… I-It’s gone…” He stuttered in excitement. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin was confused. “What’s gone?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The hanahaki disease,” Haru replied. “I feel myself... Lighter…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin smiled, the tears of happiness were flowing down his cheeks as he was hugging Haru tightly.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>After 6 Years</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin opened the door with his key. “I’m home.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Welcome home.” Haru smiled and hugged Rin. Then he gave a short kiss him on the lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin kissed back before Haru pulled away. When they separated he handed a bouquet of flowers to Haru. It was a bouqette of white calla lillies, red and white roses. It was their anniversary. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru’s eyes filled with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin got worried that he did something wrong. “Haru… I’m sorry… I didn’t want to hurt you…” He mumbled an apology. What was he thinking? Giving flowers to someone who had hanahaki disease before must had been the worst idea ever. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No…” Haru wiped his tears away. “This is so beautiful… These are my favourite flowers.” Haru hugged Rin tightly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin hugged back. “I’m glad that you liked it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you so much Rin.” Haru kissed on the top of Rin’s head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you more Haru.” Rin pecked Haru’s lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe they had bad memories in the past, but now they both reached to their happy endings. That’s why embrace your bad memories. Because love stories would not exist without pain. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the ending of 'Flowers Of Death'! <br/>I hope you enjoyed my story so far! <br/>I will start my second story in Tuesday! So please stay tuned!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 1: I Am Picking Up The Mess You Left Behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Story Prompt: Rin Matsuoka was always a burden to his mother. Even though his mother never abused him physically, she never gave him a tiny bit of love either. Can a stranger who he met in a boarding school change his life? How will Rin react when someone shows him love when he never got love from anyone? Haru was in the same situation. He never got love from his parents either. That's why he promised to himself that he will never ever give love or compassion to anyone. Can a stranger who he met in a boarding school change his mind? Can Haru love someone when he doesn't know what love is? </p><p>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ "No matter what I will love you unconditionally, Rin." </p><p>Chapter summary: Rin was sent to a special boarding school for the people who struggle with mental and personality disorders because his mother didn't want to take care of him anymore.<br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ “I am picking up the pieces of the mess you left behind, mom…” I mumbled.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!<br/>This is the second story of this book!<br/>Personally, I think that it will be a better story than the first one!<br/>I hope you enjoy it too! </p><p>Warning!<br/>This chapter contains emotional abuse. If you don't like it or affected easily, then please don't read the story. I won't tolerate any hate comments.<br/>I will update on Tuesdays and Fridays!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷ </em>
    <em>Matsuoka Rin </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Parents… Aren’t they supposed to be protectors of their children? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This is not my case with me and my mother. I hate her. You may think how someone can hate their own mother. Would you be able to love your mother if she abused you? I want to clarify something: When I said abuse, I didn’t mean physical abuse. I meant emotional abuse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Emotional abuse is not visible like physical abuse, but it is as painful as it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My mother was never like the mothers of my friends. She was always seen with a glass of wine in her hand. She was like that since my dad died during a storm. I don’t remember him at all since I was very young when he died. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I always envied of my other friends relationships with their mother. They could share their fears, sadness, happiness and dreams. I couldn’t share any of this with my mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just once I told him that I wanted to be a olympic swimmer in the future. She just laughed and told me this dream was meaningless… So my dreams were nothing for her. So I meant nothing to her. She didn’t even asked me why I want this. I wanted to be an olympic swimmer, because maybe by following his path I would be able to remember his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t even mention about the things she told me. When I came out to her about my sexual orientation, I still remember the disgust on her face and how she told that I was such a big disappointment. You can’t know how it is heartbreaking to hear this when it comes from your own mother who is supposed to love you unconditionally. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes, she never hit me. Even though she drank a lot, like every single day even though we barely had money for the food, I never had bruises on my body, but she made me feel like I’m worthless and, it is hard and painful to accept, like I was a burden for her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At some point I believed in her. She was saying I was useless so often that I felt hopeless about everything. I was feeling like I was really a failure. I felt like there was no point anymore. Because I couldn’t make her happy. Because I was never good enough for her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At school, my mood was swinging really rapidly. The smallest things which I wouldn’t mind normally, made me really angry. Since I was snapping everyone around me very often they began withdrawing from me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At some point, my negativity got me over so much that I couldn’t let myself to be happy anymore. I was so used to being alone that I had no room for the happiness anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The real world was hard to deal with. That’s why I was escaping it by running for hours everyday while wearing my headphones. The songs I listened were always depressive. I didn’t want to hear any sound to ruin the perfect world which I created in my mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was the only one to blame that I had mental breakdowns many times. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She is the only reason why I’m here right now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She is the reason why I was diagnosed with multiple mental disorders. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>“You will stay in this room.” The teacher’s cold voice cut my thoughts behind. “The bed on the left side is your bed.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just nodded at her not wanting to talk. ‘So I have to share my room with someone who I don’t know.’ I sighed and sat on the bed which was given to me. I looked around. Everything was gray. It was no different than ordinary dorm rooms, but my situation was far away from being ordinary. This was not an ordinary school. This was a school which people like me go. In other words, a special school which people who has mental disorders go. You would go to classes like an ordinary school, but every day you would have 2 hours sessions with a special psychiatrist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Since my own mother didn’t want to deal with me, I was sent here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After about five minutes I got up from the bed and began setting my things down. As I was setting my thing down, I was thinking about the past. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <strong>
    <em>‘Useless.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘Trash.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘You can’t do anything right. You are such a disappointment.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘You are a failure.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘No one likes you! Just kill yourself and make a favor to the world.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Some of these words were belong to my mother, they were constantly running through my mind while I was stabbing my arm with a needle repeatedly. I won’t tell lies such as ‘it didn’t hurt’ or ‘I didn’t feel anything’. Because it hurt. It really hurt, but I also felt a relief. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is like… You are killing a part of you which you don’t like. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s why I kept doing it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At first I was doing it to the places which someone couldn’t see like my arms and legs. Then I slowly began doing that to the my face too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was obvious that I had a serious issue and I needed to get help. That was logical thing to do, but I fell into the dark so deep that I couldn’t think logically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I began picking the skin of my face, the guidance and psychological counseling teacher noticed that and asked me what was wrong. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I tried to avoid from him by saying that everything was alright, but my tears revealed that I was lying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The teacher hugged me really tight. “If you need help, I can help you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Just save me from that house…’ That was what I actually wanted to say, but instead I said, “No, thank you.” With that I immediately ran away from him. I never liked to be seen at the times I was crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin!” I heard he was calling out my name, but I didn’t stop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I kept running. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>I kept running until I tripped to something and fell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I began crying while scratching at my wrists. The previous scars didn’t heal, but I was still making new scars. I didn’t stop even when it started bleeding tremendously. It hurt, but I felt satisfied. It hurt, but there was something good about it. It stopped me from remembering the pain I feel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I stopped scratching myself when the blood started running in stripes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>An old woman put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” She was looking at my wrists which were still bleeding uncontrollably. “Are you injured? Do you want me to call your parents?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just shook my head and ran away from her without looking behind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so tired. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so tired because of everything I had to endure for everything. The memories were running through my mind as I was running and crying. I just wanted to get rid of the situation I was in. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>In a short time the scars on my wrists began being more and more. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t help it. The tiring atmosphere in the home was stressing me out too much and makes me want to do it more. I needed help, but there was no one who can keep me together while I became undone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No one cared enough to help me.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“Rin needs help.” I was listening through the door while my teacher was talking with my mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, what’s wrong with my child?” My mother’s uncaring voice broke my heart. I thought she would defend me. That was what a mother should do, but my mother was not a normal mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Aren’t you aware that he has been picking his skin?” I could hear the surprised voice of the teacher. He had every right to be surprised. What kind of mother wouldn’t notice her child was harming himself? The thing he didn’t know, my mother was not a kind of mother who cares about her child. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I really didn’t notice,” my mother replied monotonously. I knew she would give this answer, but hearing this broke my heart even more. Maybe she didn’t love me, maybe she was abusing me emotionally, maybe… Maybe she didn’t love me, but she was my mother no matter what. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘She doesn’t even notice that you are harming yourself.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘She doesn’t even care about you.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘You are not important for her.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘If you were dead now, she wouldn’t even notice.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘She wouldn’t even come to your funeral!’ </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I closed my ears not wanting to hear anymore, but deep down inside I knew all of these were true. I ran away, knocking some chairs off on the way accidentally. That should have been caught the teacher’s attention. “Rin!” He called out, but I didn’t stop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At that moment I just wanted to go somewhere and scratch my skin. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>I don’t know how many times had passed, but eventually the teacher found me in the school’s bathroom while I was scratching my skin. He held my hands. “Rin, listen to me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just stared at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your mother accepted to send you a special school,” he began explaining. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘What kind of special school?’ I thought to myself, but I didn’t say anything. I just waited him to explain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“To a special school… For the students who are in your situation…” He was carefully picking the words, trying not to offend me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. “What do you mean with the students who are in my situation?” I spoke through my gritted teeth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was still holding my hands tightly, but I wasn’t sure why. Was he scared of I will hit him or was he scared of I would start punching the walls? It didn’t matter. I didn’t care about it anymore. I just tried to save my hands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin, you need help. Can’t you see that?” He held my hands tighter. “Do you think it is normal to scratch yourself like this?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t answer. Because there was nothing I could say. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I thought so too.” He let out a sigh. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
  <em>So that was the story of how I got stuck in this shitty place. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I eventually finished setting my things down and sat onto the bed which I still couldn’t call as ‘my bed’. “I am picking up the pieces of the mess you left behind, mom…” I mumbled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, are you talking to yourself?” I flinched when I heard someone’s voice. When I looked the direction I saw the black haired guy. He was not making eye contact with me, he was looking at my wrists. I frowned and I immediately covered my wrists. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So you are my roommate,” I said to break the silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m Haruka Nanase,” he introduced himself. “What is your name?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin Matsuoka,” I replied and offered my hand to him for a shake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Welcome to the hell,” he said without shaking my hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What kind of person he was? I sighed and looked away from him. It seems like I will make memories which I won’t be able to forget. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I will put my research here!<br/>These are Rin's psychological diseases. You may be familiar with some of them if you read my other stories!<br/>Borderline Personality Disorder:<br/>This disorder is characterized by unstable moods, bad self-image, chaotic relationships, and impulsive behavior (sexual intercourse, substance abuse, excessive spending, and careless behavior).<br/>Symptoms:<br/>- Impulsive behavior such as unsafe sex, gambling or eating constantly.<br/>- Unstable or fragile self-esteem<br/>- Unstable and intense relationships<br/>- Suicidal behavior or self-harming tendencies<br/>- Fear of loneliness or abandonment<br/>- Feeling constant emptiness<br/>- Frequent and intense tantrums<br/>- Stress-related paranoia<br/>Dermatillomania/Compulsive Skin Picking<br/>Dermatillomania, also known as skin picking disorder (SPD), is a serious problem in which an individual picks at their skin to the extent that it causes wounds.<br/>Symptoms:<br/>- Skin picking<br/>- Compulsively rubbing skin<br/>- Skin scratching<br/>- Repetitive touching<br/>- Digging into skin<br/>- Squeezing skin repetitively</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 2: Blame The Family, Blame The Bully</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haru's past has a big role for the person who he is right now. <br/>How did his past affect his behaviors? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ It was his fault too.<br/>If he questioned them more and saved me from these sadistic assholes, everything might have been different now. Maybe I would be in a better condition. Even death was better than breathing the same air with my parents.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! <br/>This chapter contains abuse, bullying, violence and a strong language. If you don't like it or affected easily, please don't read the chapter. </p><p>Side Note 1: I won't be able to update next week, because of my busy schedule and because I'm going through a hard period, I couldn't write... Hopefully, I will continue updating regularly after next week. </p><p>Side Note 2: I never expected getting that much kudos! Thank you everyone who left kudos!</p><p>Side Note 3: I will explain Haru's mental diseases at the end. You may be familiar with some from my other studies. </p><p>Side Note 4: There will be added things in the future chapters!</p><p>Side Note 5: Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder are not the same diseases! I will explain the differences between them in some point.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷ </em>
    <em>Nanase Haruka </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Being like that was not my fault at all. I blame the family, blame the bully. They were the people who were supposed to be my protectors, however, they both were sadistic assholes. My mother never talked with me for the first seven years of my life. I still remember what she told me when she talked with me for the first time. “You never brought us happiness since the day you were born,” she said while looking at me in disgust. I didn’t say anything back. I was only 7 years old back then. I already accepted the fact that my parents didn’t love me. They were never proud of me even when I learned how to read and write by myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I was 8 years old I drew our sketch as a family and gave it to my mother. I loved her very much despite everything. I thought she would be happy, but she immediately tore it apart and told that it was disgusting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was shocked. “But mommy… My teacher said it is really good,” I said timidly. It was the first time I said something back to my parents. I didn’t know back then, but it was the biggest mistake I ever made. Until then, they taught me that it was bad to talk back at your parents. My mother frowned and slapped me really hard. I lost my balance and hit my head to the kitchen counter really hard. I didn’t cry as the blood was leaking from my head and dripping onto the floor, staining the ground.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My mother looked at me in disgust. “This is what happens when you talk back at your parents,” she said and turned her back to me. “Now clean this mess, if I see any blood stain, you won’t eat dinner today.” With that she left the kitchen leaving Haru alone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt a weird pressure in my ears as I was losing blood. I felt like I was going to vomit, but I had to clean first or my parents would kill me for my disobedience. I headed to the bathroom and took the supplies which are necessary to clean. The nausea was getting worse and worse as I was cleaning, but I kept on scrubbing. My vision was also getting worse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I needed to tell this to my mother. Maybe she had some compassion for me deep down inside. She was my mother after all. I walked to the lounge room wobbling. “Mother… I feel weird…” I tried to talk. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now when I think about it, it hurts me, but my mother was not worried about me, she didn’t even care. “Stop whining like a baby and clean that mess,” she said without taking her eyes off the television. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t insist, because I knew there was no use. I began walking back to the kitchen. The blood was still leaking and it was staining the white carpet. My mother was definitely going to kill me. She had spent tons of money for this ugly carpet. My vision was more worse than before. I was so cold and groggy. I fell onto the ground and then everything was dark for me. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>I woke up. I didn’t know how many times had passed. My head was still throbbing. I touched my temple and felt the stitches. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh my… Thank God! You are finally awake!” I felt my mother’s loving arms around me. ‘Liar…’ I thought. I didn’t hug back. I didn’t want to. Because everything she did was fake. “I was so worried about you,” she said with a smile. She was smiling, but there was still a disgust in her eyes. She was just happy because the police officer wouldn’t interrogate her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“God protected you.” My father smiled, but I knew that he was wishing I was dead. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I heard the wooden door was cracked open and a police officer came in. He gently patted my shoulder. “How do you feel?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was so ironic that a stranger asked me how I was feeling while my parents were faking caring about me. “I’m okay,” I gave a short reply. My throat was dry. My mother immediately. I drank the water, but I had no intention to thank her. She didn’t do that because she cared about me, she only did that to manipulate the police officer. I hated her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How did it happen?” The police officer asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… Fell…” I lied. I didn’t want to tell the truth. The authorities would take me to the orphanage. Yes, I hated my parents, but I couldn’t be sure that my new family was going to be better than them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The officer insisted. “How did you fall?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I could say something my father spoke. “He was playing with the other kids and he must have tripped and fallen. You know how kids are,” he chuckled. The officer just nodded his head and write down some notes before he left. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was his fault too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If he questioned them more and saved me from these sadistic assholes, everything might have been different now. Maybe I would be in a better condition. Even death was better than breathing the same air with my parents. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>After three days I was discharged from the hospital. I let out a sigh as my mother was dragging me to the hell which is called ‘home’. Even though I hated hospitals, they were treating me good in the hospital. Now everything was going to be like before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When my mother saw my reluctance about going into the home, she pushed me forward. Because of her push, I lost my balance and fell onto the ground. I didn’t whimper, because I knew if I made any sound, they were going to punish me worse than before. If I was lucky, they would kill me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go to your room or else I will bash your worthless head against the wall until it’s open,” my father said. I immediately headed to my room. I buried my face into my pillow as I was sobbing quietly. My parents shouldn’t have heard me or they were going to be real monsters. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>I remember the first day when my parents sent me here, because of my bipolar disorder and my dissociative identity disorder. The other people found me weird. No one wanted to be my roommate or wanted to talk to me. I never cared about this. I only stayed in my room and read books. There were bullies. Whenever they see someone different from them, they would bully them, but after living with abusers for years, the bullies were not affecting me at all. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was spending my time sketching. Hideki, who was my former roommate, was definitely a jerk. He snatched my sketch book from my hands. He looked at my sketchs with a stupid expression on his face. “Hey Haru, why are you drawing these stupid things?” He asked chuckling. That stupid guy didn’t really know what art was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hideki give it back,” I tried to stay calm, because I didn’t want to be as petty as a bully. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smirk on Hideki’s face grew wider. “What if I tear it apart?” He tore the first page and crumbled it. He then threw it to the corner. Then the second page… Then the third page… “Hey Nanase, aren’t you going to do something to st…” His words were cut when I punched him on the stomach. Hideki spit blood to my face. Instead of being scared, Hideki kept crossing the line. “Is that your best?” He burned my sketch book with the lighter smirking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the last straw for me. I pushed Hideki with my whole strength. I smirked when his head began bleeding. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Teach him a lesson.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I heard the evil voice which was echoing in my mind. I gladly accepted. I felt like my heart was pumping adrenaline. I grabbed Hideki’s collar and dragged him to the window. I actually was not intended to push him, I just wanted to scare him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hideki’s eyes went wide in fear when I slouched him down the window. He grabbed my wrists tightly. “W-What the hell are you doing?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just smiled. “If you touch my sketch book ever again, I won’t hesitate to push you down. I bet I would love how your worthless body twisted into different angles.” I pushed him toward the door and watched him smirking while he was running away in fear. That night Hideki didn’t come back to the room and the next day he changed his room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I never felt guilty for what I had done to him, because that bully deserved it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had been a year since that incident happen, after what happened to Hideki no one could dare to disturb me or even look at me. I was satisfied with the fear I made on them. These stupids were really thinking that I was going to kill them. They were ridiculous. None of them was worthy to make my hands dirty. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>My new roommate was watching me curiously, but I was just sketching and was trying not to pay attention to him that much. He got my attention even though it seemed like he didn’t want to get anyone’s attention at all. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can I look at your drawings?” He approached me from behind and asked. He either was bored of silence or he wanted to be friends with me. Whatever the reason was, I didn’t want him to see my drawings. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” I said with a harsh tone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay…” He said silently and sat back on his bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was so submissive and if you are submissive one here, you will be an easy target for the bullies. ‘Anyway, it is not my problem,’ I thought to myself and went back on drawing. Even though I was trying to keep my mind busy with drawing, I couldn’t get him out of my mind.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>“What’s wrong, Matsuoka? Can’t you talk?” I heard Natsuya’s voice. I never cared when the other people were fighting, but when I heard my roommate’s name I couldn’t help and looked at the direction where Natsuya's voice was coming. I saw he bashed Rin’s head against the wall. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had been only a week since he came here, but he was always timid, obedient and alone. These were making him an easy target for the bullies. Natsuya was one of the people I hated the most. He had narcissistic personality disorder and was thinking that he was the ruler everyone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Teach him a lesson.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I froze in surprise when I heard the voice which I haven’t heard for more than a year. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I said teach him a lesson!’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The voice was more furious right now. I felt a sharp pain in my temple and my vision went black. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>I had blacked out for a few seconds, but when I regained my senses I saw Natsuya’s arm was hanging unnaturally and Rin was shaking in fear. “W-What did you do?” He asked with his trembling lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What did I do? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t remember no matter how hard I tried, but everyone in the room was looking at me in fear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t remember,” was the only thing I could say and left without looking back at them. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Haru's mental diseases <br/>Dissociative Identity Disorder: <br/>Dissociative Identity Disorder is a psychological disorder with a high degree of personality disorder, having at least two personalities and experiencing transitions between these personality structures. <br/>Symptoms: <br/>- Severe headaches or pain in the other parts of the body. <br/>- Loss of identity <br/>- Derealization <br/>- Depression <br/>- Anxiety <br/>- Eating and sleep disorders <br/>- Addiction<br/>- Amnesia <br/>- Hallucinations <br/>- Self-harming <br/>- Suicidal thoughts<br/>Bipolar Disorder: <br/>Bipolar disorder is defined as periods of rise and fall, depressive and manic episodes that cause dramatic changes in the mood of the person. <br/>Manic episode: <br/>- Sleep problems (decreasing in the need of sleeping) <br/>- Euphoric mood <br/>- Increased energy and not being able to stay still <br/>- Decreasing in concentration <br/>- Spending a lot of money <br/>- Having false beliefs about one's own abilities<br/>- Decrease in judgment capacity <br/>- Increase in thinking and talking <br/>Depressive Episode <br/>- Being hopeless and pessimistic <br/>- Feeling sad, worried and unhappy <br/>- Inability to enjoy life <br/>- Lack of energy <br/>- Forgetfulness <br/>- Difficulty in concentrating <br/>- Feeling worthless <br/>- Changes in appetite: losing or gaining weight <br/>- Sleeping a lot, having hard time in sleeping, waking up often in the night <br/>- Feelings of helplessness and worthlessness <br/>- Suicidal thoughts</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 3: Like She Told Me I'm Just A Big Disgrace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rin's past doesn't leave him alone. <br/>However, it also brought him and Haru a bit closer. <br/>Is Rin starting to trust Haru? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ I looked down. “There is a reason of course…” I mumbled out. “I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” <br/>Haru just nodded his head and didn’t insist. “Okay, but if you need to be listened, you can talk to me.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! <br/>This chapter contains the mentions of bullying and narcissism, if you are not comfortable or affected easily, please don't read the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷ </em>
    <em>Matsuoka Rin </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I was still in shock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t believe how Haru grabbed Natsuya, pulled him away from me and broke his arm. Natsuya’s screams were still echoing in my mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It seemed like Haru was surprised too. He only said he didn’t remember what happened before he left. I was not sure if I believed him or not. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Should I go after him? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Probably no, because I thought he needed some time for himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Should I thank him when I see him? He saved me from Natsuya after all. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bastard!” I heard Natsuya was groaning in pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you okay Natsuya?” A boy who has longish gray hair asked with a kind voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course I’m not okay! That bastard broke my arm!” Natsuya yelled at him even though the other guy didn’t deserve it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry…” He mumbled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“At least take me to the nurse! Can’t you be useful for once in your life?” Natsuya yelled at him again. I understand that he was in pain, but he had no right to treat someone like that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The gray haired boy’s eyes were filled with tears and his bottom lip was trembling showing that he was about to cry, but he still helped Natsuya to get up and began walking him to the nurse’s room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really didn’t understand why he was still helping him after Natsuya told him that much stuff. If I were him, I wouldn’t care even if Natsuya was dying in front of me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. ‘It is none of my business,’ I thought to myself and headed to outside. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>I didn’t go back to the room, because I thought I should have given Haru some time alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While I was walking in the garden I saw that gray haired boy was sitting on a bench, there was a big bruise on his cheek. I didn’t know why, but I felt sad and sat next to him. “Hi,” I greeted him. Normally, I was not a person who is friendly that much, but I was worried about him. I also wanted to know why he was still helping Natsuya if he was abusing him that much? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi,” he answered quietly without taking his eyes off the ground. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m Rin,” I offered my hand him for a shake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m Nao,” he said quietly as he was shaking my hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you okay?” I asked, but I knew he was not okay. I just wanted to hear if he will tell that cliché lie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, I’m okay,” he whispered. As I guessed he told the cliché lie. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why do you help him if he hurts you?” I asked curiously, because I really wanted to know the reason. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Because I love him,” Nao whispered weakly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I froze at his answer. Love… That was something which someone, even my own mother, gave me. I didn’t know what love was, but I knew based on the things I heard. Love makes you happy… Love makes you hopeful… Love makes you grateful… Love makes you inspired… Love changes your life… Briefly, everyone I knew described it as ‘the best feeling in the world.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Love?” I asked as if I heard the word for the first time in my life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nao nodded his head slowly. “Yes, when you love someone you make them your priority,” he explained. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Being someone’s priority… This was something else which I never became. I was always the last choice in everyone’s life. Prioritizing someone like Natsuya is really a big step to take. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Prioritizing someone you say...” I mumbled out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nao looked at me confused. I couldn’t really blame him. How could he know that no one ever loved me? How could he know that no one, even my mom, made me their priority? Though he still kindly explained. “When you love someone, you put their happiness above your own happiness, you make time for them even if you are busy, you make sacrifices to help them when they need help, you are always considerate of their needs and their feelings. Think it as a mother’s unconditional love to her children. She always makes her children priority.” Then he stopped and stared at my face worriedly. “Are you okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was not aware, but the tears were dripping onto my hands while Nao was talking about a mother’s unconditional love. I thought I never cared, but the fact that I’m still crying over it shows that I still care and it still matters to me. Hearing these words re-opened the wounds which I thought they were healed. I was not intended to tell the story of my life to a stranger I just meet. I wiped my tears away. “Yes, I’m fine.” I got up and ran away from him. I hated crying in front of other people. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>I didn’t want to go back into the room. I knew Haru wouldn’t care about the fact that I was crying, but I still didn’t want him to see me crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I began walking without knowing where I was going. I was thinking about the home and the memories of my shattered past. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything which happened in my life went through my mind. The moments I felt happy were little to no. Even remembering them was making my heart ache.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No one knew, but I lost my soul in my past. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I never told anyone about my mom’s psychological abuse to me. Whenever they asked me if I was okay, I would always say ‘yes.’ I told this lie too much that I began sounding convincing after some point. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I have had enough!” My mother yelled at me. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I bit my lower lip and began scratching my right wrist making it bleed. “I’m sorry mother…” I spoke with a low voice. I was sure that she didn’t hear me, because I could barely hear myself. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“This glass was a gift from your father!” She grabbed my arm and shook me violently. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Tears were flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>She took a deep breath to calm herself down. “You are just a big disgrace. I have had enough of you!” She let go of my arm and headed to her room. </em>
  </strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>If I had a chance to chose, I would choose never being born if I was too much for her. Was I really too much for her since she said that she has had enough? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now I was all alone in somewhere with some people I don’t know remembering my abusive mother. However, I wanted to forget about the life I used to have and I wanted to forget about my mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I began crying again as I was walking back to the dorm room, because I began getting the other people’s attention and this was the last thing I wanted. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>I knocked the door before going inside thinking that he may be changing his clothes, but there was no answer. ‘Maybe he didn’t hear,’ I thought to myself and knocked the door again. There was still no answer. I sighed and walked inside. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The room was empty. “Where can he be?” I mumbled to myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then I heard a painful groan which was coming from the bathroom. I got worried and knocked the bathroom door. “Hey, are you okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go away!” He yelled at me. He sounded like as if he was trying to surpass his pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This made me more worried about him. I opened the door, luckily it was not locked, and walked over to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I gasped in surprise when I saw the blood pools on the ground. I slowly looked up to him. There were five cuts on his arm and the three of them were really deep. “W-What did you do?” I stuttered. “Why…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He raised his hand and cut me off. “You are the last person who can give me a lecture about this subject. You are self harming to yourself too. So don’t give me a lecture,” he said calmly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t answer him. What could I say? He was right. Maybe I never cut myself, but I scratched and picked my skin up with the tweezers several times. “Let’s just bandage them before they get infected.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fortunately, he nodded his head. I grabbed his wrist gently and began walking to the infirmary. Infirmary was empty since it was the break time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru quietly sat down onto the bed and I began cleaning the cuts. He flinched slightly. “I’m sorry.” I apologized. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay,” he said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We both were silent, except for the sighs he let out, as I was cleaning and bandaging his wounds. Just like that we went back to the room in silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually I couldn’t help, but asked. “Why did you do that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru squinted his eyes. “Why do you pick your skin up?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I looked down. “There is a reason of course…” I mumbled out. “I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru just nodded his head and didn’t insist. “Okay, but if you need to be listened, you can talk to me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was surprised, because he didn’t seem like the type of person who can comfort the others. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to trust him. Maybe it is because I needed good things in my life. “Can you hug me for a while?” I couldn’t help and asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was surprised as much as I was, but he still sat on the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around my body. I never felt that comfortable in my life before. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The reason, Natsuya acts like that because he has narcissistic personality disorder and the reason why Nao still stays with him that he has depended personality disorder. <br/>Maybe I can write another fanfiction for this plot. (Actually I already planned this plot for MakoHaru ship ;-; but maybe I can write it for NatsuNao ship too only with the same plot. The story line will be different.) I will explain the disorders so you can understand why Natsuya and Nao are like that.</p><p>Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Natsuya): <br/>- This disorder is characterized by an exaggerated sense of superiority, success, and strength. However, they have extreme anxiety and fragile self-esteem. People with this disorder are very centric, tend to lack empathy, and want to evoke admiration in their surroundings by displaying behaviors that are constantly focused on attention.<br/>Symptoms: <br/>- Believing that you are special and more important than the other people <br/>- Fantasies of power, success, and attraction<br/>- Not knowing the other's feelings and needs <br/>- Exaggerating the successes or talents <br/>- Expectations of constant praise and admiration <br/>- Arrogance <br/>- Taking advantage of favors other people do and lying <br/>- Feeling jealousy towards the others or thinking you are envied by the others</p><p>Depended Personality Disorder (Nao): <br/>- In dependent personality disorder, on the other hand, it causes the person to feel a reassurance because feelings such as helplessness, submission and inability to make a decision are dominant. People with dependent personality disorder have a lot of ownership of an individual and make great efforts to please that person. They tend to display passive and clinging behaviors and experience separation fear.<br/>Symptoms: <br/>- Excessive dependence to the others<br/>- Submissive behaviors towards others <br/>- Not being able to provide self-care when alone<br/>- Being overly afraid of having to trust oneself<br/>- Lack of self-confidence <br/>- Difficulty starting or doing projects <br/>- When a close relationship ends, to start a new relationship immediately. </p><p>So Nao is not only in love with Natsuya, he is also depended to him because of his personality disorder and Natsuya is taking advantage of this. I won't focus on their relationship, because this work is a RinHaru/HaruRin work, but as I stated, I can write another story with this plot in the future even though I don't know when hahah! Because I have a lot of stories in my draft! <br/>See you in the next chapter! <br/>I love you all ♥♥♥♥♥!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 4: I Haven't Lost Myself In A Long Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haru finally found someone who he can trust enough to share his story. <br/>What about Rin though? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ I didn’t know why but for the first time in my life I wanted to share my past with someone. I never talked about this to with a psychiatrist. “About myself.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning!<br/>This chapter contains parental abuse, if you don't like it or are affected easily, please don't read the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷ </em>
    <em>Nanase Haruka </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I was laying on the bed staring at the ceiling blankly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I knew that I would be in trouble and would be grounded for a while. Even if I told them I didn’t remember what happened, that wouldn’t change the consequences of my action. This happened a lot in the past and it was really stressing me out. I took my only true friend, the utility knife, and headed to the bathroom. The stress made me want to harm myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I locked the door and cut my arm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>First cut… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It made me flinch, but it also gave me a pleasure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Second cut… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This was deeper than the first one and it hurt more. I couldn’t help and let out a painful groan, but I couldn’t stop cutting myself. Self-harming was something like that; when you start it once, it becomes addicting. This is an addiction which won’t stop until you manage to get over it or until you die. Only strong people can make it stop and I’m not one of them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Third cut… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was deeper than the first two. I gritted my teeth to prevent the scream which was about to come out. The pain made my eyes water and there was a small blood pool under my feet, but I didn’t stop until I made five cuts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I made the fifth cut, the deepest one, I groaned in pain. At that moment, I heard someone knocked the door. “Hey, are you okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was Rin. I didn’t want to talk to him at that moment. “Go away!” I yelled at him trying to surpass my pain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t listen to me and get into the bathroom. I cursed at myself that I didn’t lock the door. “W-what did you do?” He stuttered. “Why…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I raised my hand and cut his words off. “You are the last person who can give me a lecture about this subject. You are self harming to yourself too.” Even though he tried to hide it, I could see the scratches and scars which he made with tweezers. When he noticed I was looking at his arms, he covered the scars. “So don’t give me a lecture,” I said calmly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stayed quiet. He didn’t have words, because he knew I was right. He finally spoke after a few minutes of silence. “Let’s just bandage them before they get infected.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nodded my head. I didn’t know why, but I accepted. He held my wrist gently and took me to the infirmary. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>When we came to the infirmary, I sat onto the bed without saying anything and let him to clean my wounds. I flinched when the oxygen water burned my wounds. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry,” he whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay,” I said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I watched him bandage my wounds without talking. He didn’t speak either. It was weird, but I wanted him to speak. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>When we came back to the room he finally spoke. “Why did you do that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I squinted my eyes. If he wanted some answers from me, then I should have some answers from him too. “Why do you pick your skin up?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked down. I guess it was a sensitive topic for him. “There is a reason of course…” He mumbled out. “I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nodded my head and didn’t insist. I was not the type of person who can be there for the others when they feel down, but I let the words come out of my mouth. “Okay, but if you need to be listened, you can talk to me.” As soon as these words came out of my mouth I was regret. Why did I tell something like that when I didn’t know how to comfort someone? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can you hug me for a while?” He asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was surprised, but didn’t reject. I sat on the bed next to him and wrapped my arms around his body. This feeling was strange for me. I never lived something like that. No one ever hugged me before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few seconds he pulled away. “Thank you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It lasted a few seconds, but I already missed that feeling. I wanted to live it again. I wanted to be surrounded by that feeling again. While these were my true feelings, the only thing I could say was “You’re welcome.” </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>It was late at night, but I couldn’t sleep. “Rin?” I whispered not being sure if he was still awake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes?” He asked with a soft voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t sleep.” I sighed. This is another common issue with dissociative identity disorder. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Me neither,” He replied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got out of the bed and walked to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked at me in confusion. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just laid next to him. “Since we both cannot sleep, how about we talk?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nodded his head. “Of course. What would you like to talk about?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t know why but for the first time in my life I wanted to share my past with someone. I never talked about this to with a psychiatrist. “About myself.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked at me confused. “Haru, are you sure about that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t answer him. I just walked to the drawer and took out a sketch which I taped. It was old and seared now.  “Do you know what is that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This is a sketch which I draw for my family.” He continued listening without interrupting me. I absently touched the drawing with my fingertips. “Even though my teacher said the drawing was really good, my mother told me it is really ugly. When I told her this…” I gulped. The memory was really hurting me. Erasing an abuse was never easy, especially it came from your own mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin held my hand. “If you don’t want to continue, then let’s not talk about it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No…” I shook my head. “I want to talk about it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin gently squeezed my hand. “Then, I will listen.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I took a deep breath and continued to my story. “Until then, my parents always taught me that it was bad to talk back at your parents. When I told this to my mother, she slapped me.” Tears filled my eyes. “The slap was so strong that it cause me to lose my balance and I hit my head to the counter.” As soon as I started talking, I couldn’t stop myself. “My mother didn’t care that I was bleeding. She just told me to clean the mess.” I was surprised that I could talk about this as if it is an ordinary childhood memory. “Eventually, I passed out because of losing blood.” I began shaking uncontrollably. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hugged back. I didn’t know what I was carving for until now. After a few seconds I felt  “I stayed in the hospital for three days. Maybe you can find it funny, but I was happy in the period in which I stayed in the hospital, because they treated me good not to get other people’s attention.” I frowned when I remembered how they were fake in front of my eyes. “As soon as I woke up, a police officer interrogated me about the incident. I lied to him that I fell.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why?” Rin asked me in confusion. Who can blame him? He probably was wondering why I didn’t tell everything to the officer if my family was that ‘bad’. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Now, I’m asking this question to myself,” I chuckled lightly. “Back then, I just thought if I tell them the truth, they would take me to an orphanage and there was no guarantee that my new family would be better. How could I make sure that no one else will hurt me while my own parents are hurting me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rin just nodded his head. I could see that he understood me very well. I wondered what he went through his life. What was the story behind these scars he made? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I continued. “When we came back to home they treated me like…” I forced myself to tell the words. “Like… Like I’m a trash…” These were hard to say for me. Who could accept the fact that their parents don’t love them like it is natural? “The first words my father told were ‘Go to your room or else I will bash your worthless head against the wall until it’s open.’ I thought I was used to hear these kind of words and they were not affecting me, but when I went to my room that day, I buried my face into the pillow and I cried. I noticed something… There was no way to get used to the pain…” I began crying. This time I wasn’t trying to hide my sobs, because there was no one who would punish me just because I cried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I buried my face into Rin’s chest and kept crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just stroked my hair gently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t ask me any questions. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just waited until I let everything out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt safe with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt comfortable with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After five minutes, my crying finally stopped. I pulled away from Rin’s chest a bit. Rin gently wiped my tears away. “Thank you for sharing these with me, Haru.” He paused for a little before telling the thing which surprised me. “Now, I want to share my story with you.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lol I know not many people write this, but thank you everyone who leaves kudos! <br/>Kudos mean a lot to me especially when I'm under a strong writer's block hahah! <br/>I hope all of you are safe and healthy!<br/>See you in the next chapter! <br/>I love you all ♥♥♥♥♥!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 5: Craving Someone To Run To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After Rin hears Haru's story, he thinks that he should share his story with Haru as well. <br/>What will change in their relationship after they began trusting each other enough to share their past? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ Haru kissed my wrists gently. “I love you.” I gasped when he said that. “Isn’t it enough?”  </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning! <br/>This chapter may contain sad themes for some readers. If you don't like it, or uncomfortable with it, or affected badly, please don't read the chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
    <em> Matsuoka Rin </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>After hearing his story, I thought since I knew his story, he should also know my story too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After he stopped crying I gently wiped his tears away. “Thank you for sharing these with me, Haru.” I hesitated for a bit, but then I made my decision. “Now, I want to share my story with you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If it makes you feel better,” Haru said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My story starts as same as yours.” I began my story. “There is only one difference. I didn’t have a father.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What happened to your father?” Haru asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He was a fisherman by trade and died during a storm. His death affected my mother a lot. I would always see her with a glass of wine in her hand. I always envied my friends relationships with their mother. They could share their fears, sadness, happiness and dreams, but I couldn’t share any of these with my mother.” Tears filled my eyes. I hated to cry in front of the other people. I was glad that the room was dark, the only light source was the moonlight, so Haru couldn’t see my tears. I wiped my tears away quickly and cleared my throat before continue to talk. “Just once I shared my dream with my mother.” I chuckled lightly. “It was a mistake. I told her that I wanted to be an olympic swimmer.” Even though the room was dark I could see the sparkles in Haru’s eyes when I talked about swimming. “She just laughed at me. She didn’t even asked me why I want this dream.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why do you want to be a swimmer?” Haru asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hesitated to answer him, because I didn’t know if he will laugh at me or not. Eventually I decided to tell him, because he opened his heart to me after all. “I wanted to be an olympic swimmer, because I thought I could be able to remember his face by following his path.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt Haru’s arms around my body. I was surprised, but I relaxed in his arms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After he let me go, I kept talking. “The thing which broke me the most, the horrible things she told me when I told her about my sexual orientation.” I blushed and immediately shut my mouth up. ‘Why did you tell someone who you just met about yourself that much?’ I scolded myself internally. What if he is homophobic? What if he tells the others and the others will bully me? What if he bullies me? I was scared of him, especially after I saw how he violently beated Natsuya today. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>To my surprise, he didn’t make any comment about it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Since I started talking once, I couldn’t stop myself anymore. “She looked at me in disgust and told me I was such a disappointment. This was the most innocent thing she told me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was still silent as if he was thinking about something. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is it so painful, right? The person who was supposed to accept you and love you unconditionally starts to insults you just because you love the people who are in the same gender with you.” I didn’t know what I should think about his silence, but I kept on talking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The silence was making me worry. As far as I could see his face was expressionless. “What made you began picking your skin up?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I flinched when he suddenly spoke and I remembered every horrible things my mother told me. “Useless… Trash… You can’t do anything right. You are such a disappointment… You are a failure… Most importantly… The thing which I always told myself caused this… No one likes you… Just kill yourself and make a favor to the world… Whenever I thought about these I wanted to harm myself. In the first stages I was only rubbing my skin until it becomes red. Then I started squeezing and pinching my skin repeatedly. Sometimes I would do that until it began bleeding. Then I began scratching and digging into my skin. I used to do this so often that I wouldn’t give a chance my skin to heal. Before the scars heal, I would made a new one.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru was listening to me without interrupting or judging me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then at the last stage, I began stabbing my arms with needles and then I began using tweezers. It hurt me, but I loved the pain. Because I felt like I was killing a part of me I don’t like. That’s why I kept doing that.” I let out a sigh. “At first I was doing it to the places which someone couldn’t see like my arms and legs. Then I slowly began doing it to my face too.” I absently touched the scars on my cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you want someone to help you?” Haru asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Some people noticed I was doing this, but I always lied to them that everything was okay, but I couldn’t hide it so well I guess. Someday my teacher called my mother to school. Her words broke me down. Because my mother didn’t notice that I was harming myself…” Accepting this out loud was hurting me even more. “She didn’t even notice that I was self harming…” I was talking to myself more than I was talking to Haru. “She didn’t even care about me. I was not important for him… If I was dead at that moment, she wouldn’t even notice… She wouldn’t even come to my funeral…” While I was talking like that I began scratching my arms. I wasn’t aware of how much I was bleeding. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin!” Haru held my wrist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I looked down, I saw how much my wrists were bleeding. “I’m sorry…” I apologized not knowing what else to say. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He then held my hand and began walking to the infirmary. “Let’s go to the infirmary.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I hid my hands behind my back like a child. I didn’t know why I reacted like that. Maybe it was because I was not used to someone who shows attention to me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru let out a sigh and gave up on trying to convince me to go to the infirmary. “Okay, but I want you to promise me something.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sure,” I said without really thinking about it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t do this to yourself ever again.” He pleaded as he was gently wiping the blood of my wrists. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I chuckled lightly. “Tell me a reason not to do it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru kissed my wrists gently. “I love you.” I gasped when he said that. “Isn’t it enough?”  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I see some people leave kudos to this story, but there is no comments *insert tears* <br/>It makes me sad really ;-; but still thanks to the people who left kudos! <br/>I love you all and see you in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 6: Can't Forgive What They Said</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Haru can't forget and can't forgive what people said, but this causes a lot of troubles for him. <br/>He decides to give his love to Rin even if he never get any love from anyone. <br/>However, happiness is not close to them yet because of some people. <br/>What will they do? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ ‘This asshole deserves a good lesson.’ The words ran through my mind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow, it had been 23 days since I updated the last chapter! <br/>I was really busy with the university! </p><p>Warning! <br/>This chapter contains homophobia, violence and some upsetting themes for some people. If you don't like it or affected easily, please don't read the chapter. I won't tolerate any hate comments.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷ </em>
    <em>Nanase Haruka </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>As I was listening to Rin, I noticed we had more things in common… Yes, including our sexual orientation…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still remember the horrible things they told me just because I fell in love with a boy. They labelled me as ‘infidel’ and told me that I will burn in the hell because of my sin. Why would love thought as a sin while there are bigger crimes in the world? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though I didn’t want to remember the other insults, they told me, I always wake up haunted with their words running through my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had never been that hurt before. The scars which are made by your own parents would never heal easily. Even after all these years, my wounds were still bleeding, but no. I couldn’t let this to get into my way. Even though I never had love from anyone, I would give my all love to Rin. I didn’t want him to go through the things which I went through. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Rin was surprised when I told him I loved him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who could blame him? He never get love from his mother. I didn’t know what love was either. Because no one loved me before, but I couldn’t let this to get in my way. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to love someone and I wanted to be loved by someone. I slowly approached him and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but he eventually kissed me gently. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>I was unusually happy while I was in the cafeteria in the morning. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so happy while I was waiting for Rin to come that I didn’t care when people began whispering and gossipping about something I was not curious about. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then they suddenly looked at me and began chuckling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Disgusting gay.” I heard someone whispered. When I turned toward the direction, I saw Natsuya was looking at me smirking. I guess breaking his arm was not an enough punishment for him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What did you say?” I asked as if I didn’t hear him very well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked straight into my eyes. “I thought you heard me very well, Nanase. Who is the girl in your relationship?” Laughters accompanied to his stupid words. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I calmly approached him and spoke with a voice which I was sure that would scare him. “Repeat it.” I grabbed his collar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘This asshole deserves a good lesson.’ The words ran through my mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Buzz-off. Don’t touch me, you disgusting bastard!” Natsuya grabbed my wrist roughly and pulled it away from his shirt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru, what’s going on?” Rin who just came into the cafeteria asked curiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“As you wish.” I said calmly and turned my back to Natsuya. Even though I wasn’t looking at his face I knew that he was surprised. I swiftly grabbed my tray and swung it to Natsuya’s face with my whole strength with the foods on it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haru!” Rin called out my name. He was utterly shocked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Natsuya fell onto the ground because of the sudden blow. I began punching him in the face. He was bleeding uncontrollably, but I didn’t care. Rin was calling out my name over and over trying to stop me, but it was like I haven’t heard anything. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What is going on here?” When I heard Mr. Tanaka’s voice I stopped and looked at the blood on my hands. The others were just standing there and they were scared to talk. Mr. Tanaka told the crowd to get out of the way and grabbed my arm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We will talk about it in my office.” Mr. Tanaka said as he was literally dragging me to his office. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>While I was walking alongside with him, I saw Rin was looking at me with teary eyes. I felt my heart was breaking into pieces when I saw him like that. I mouthed the words. ‘I’m sorry...’ </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em> "</em>
  <em>We didn’t make any positive process, Haru.” Mr. Tanaka sighed. “You are still violent to the others and you are violent to yourself too.” He held my arm and rolled my sleeve up, revealing my new cuts. “Look at these cuts on your wrists.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just shrugged it off and yanked my arm away from his hold. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mr. Tanaka continued talking when he understood I was determined about staying quiet. “You know we made a deal.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rolled my eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You wouldn’t harm to the others and you would stop self harming to yourself.” Mr. Tanaka reminded me of our deal. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Couldn’t they see what kind of person Natsuya was? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Couldn’t they understand Natsuya deserved everything I did, and much worse things, to him? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to shout out these words at his face, but I knew he would just shut my mouth up, like everyone else does in this place. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They claim they are there for to hear us out, but whenever we talked about our problems or whenever we tried to explain ourselves they would shut our mouth up. At least it was like that in my case. That was the reason why I kept myself quiet around them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the reason why I was distancing myself from everyone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was the reason why I left Mr. Tanaka’s office without saying anything. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ignored Mr. Tanaka’s angry words behind me. I just headed to the room. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>On Fridays, the people who stay in here are allowed to spend their weekend with their parents. I was usually the only one who stays in the dormitory. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I never leave my room on Fridays, because seeing the others’ happy families was making me sick and it was also a reminder for me that my parents never loved me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ordinary things were just a dream for me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I came back to the room I saw Rin was sitting on the bed. He had pulled his knees to his chest and he was hugging his knees. He looked really sad. The curtains were closed. He probably didn’t want to see happy families either. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sat next to him and hugged him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As he was crying I rubbed his back and let him to cry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We stayed like that for a while without talking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you feel that you can’t choose the correct sometimes, just hug the person. Hugs are the best way to show love someone and love is the best cure of a broken heart. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Rin will get an unexpected visit from someone he is not expecting. <br/>How things will turn out this time?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. (Second Story) Unconditionally - Chapter 7: I Don't Need Your Arms To Hold Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rin met with his mother again after months. <br/>Will he forgive his mother? <br/>╭┈─────── ೄྀ</p><p>╰┈➤ When she tried to hug me, I pulled away. Yes, I missed her, but I was still heartbroken. I guess she was expecting this reaction too. She stood a few inches away from me biting her lower lip. I knew she was sorry, but she hadn’t said yet. I put my hands in my pockets and gazed her. She had lost weight and I could see her bones. However, it was not the time for being emotional.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, I came back. <br/>I couldn't update because of writer's block and lack of time.<br/>Warning! <br/>This story may contain sad scenes for some readers and a suicide attempt, if you don't like it or are affected easily, please don't read the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
    <em> Matsuoka Rin </em>
    <em>ೃ</em>
    <em>⁀➷</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t know what was wrong with me recently. I cry at even the littlest things, but today… Today, seeing the happy families made my heart ache. Was I jealous? Maybe, because even though I vaguely remember my father loved me, I knew my mother didn’t love me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru sat next to me and hugged me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Getting some love from someone, made me cry more that I couldn’t even speak. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As Haru was showing me some attention, I began crying even harder as if it was possible. It was too bad that, I couldn’t give love to him back. I was so hurt that, I forgot how to love someone. However, I cannot deny that I felt something indescribable. I didn’t know if it was love or not. All I knew that I felt a warmth in my chest whenever I saw him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you feeling better?” He asked when I stopped crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nodded my head even though I didn’t know how I was feeling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let’s walk around a little. It will make you feel better.” Haru said taking my hands away from my wrists. When I looked down I saw my wrists began slightly bleeding. I had scratched my wrists again without knowing it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay.” He said as he was carefully cleaning the wounds. “So, do you want to go on for a walk?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nodded my head. “Of course.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then let’s go.” Haru smiled and held my hand. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>The weather was cold and it was snowing, but it helped me to clear my mind. Even though the weather was cold, Haru’s hands were warm. I wanted to talk with him, but I didn’t know what I should tell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why did you cry?” He asked breaking the silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At first, I thought he was just trying to fill the silence, but when I looked at his face, I could see that he was genuinely worried about me. I let out a sigh and decided not to answer his question. “I guess… I was jealous…” However, I let these words out of my mouth and tears immediately filled my eyes. I hated to cry in front of other people. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “I know how you feel.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even though I knew his backstory, I never thought someone like him would ever miss his parents. He always seemed so cold and distant person. ‘Great… You are being prejudice toward him…’ I thought to myself. “I’m sorry.” I gave a gentle squeeze to his hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why are you feeling sorry for the things which are not your fault?” Haru spoke with an uninterested voice. I felt he was hiding his sadness behind his usual ‘This doesn’t affect me’ mask. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I just…” I tried to find the correct words. “Trying to have sympathy with you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haru clenched his fists. “I don’t need your sympathy!” He harshly let go of my hand and began walking back to the dorm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was stunned... He never yelled at me before. Maybe he was never warm toward me, but he never yelled at me either. I stood there while his silhouette was shrinking in the distance. Without knowing what I should do, I stood there frozen. Then I slowly began walking to the dorm while looking at the ground. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>When I returned to the dorm building, I froze in my place once again. Because the woman who was standing in front of the dorm gate was no one but my mother. Seeing her after 6 months, made my heart shatter. Despite everything, she was my mother and I missed her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At the same time, she saw me and a small smile spread through her cheeks. She had never smiled at me before. She walked over me. “Rin.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When she tried to hug me, I pulled away. Yes, I missed her, but I was still heartbroken. I guess she was expecting this reaction too. She stood a few inches away from me biting her lower lip. I knew she was sorry, but she hadn’t said yet. I put my hands in my pockets and gazed her. She had lost weight and I could see her bones. However, it was not the time for being emotional. “What do you want?” I asked with a cold voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I just…” She began playing with her hair. It was a habit from her younger times. Whenever she was nervous she would play with her hair. “I just want to talk with you…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I have nothing to talk with you.” I turned my back to her and headed to the dormitory. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She held my arm. “Rin, please.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I turned around and saw her eyes were filled with tears. I clenched my hands. “Please what?” I yelled. She flinched and let go of my arm. “You left me here like I’m a pup! No, even the dogs look after their pups!” I wiped my tears away. “You never loved me! I was always a challenge for you! You left me here and were not worried about me! Now I don’t want you either!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin!” I heard she called my name and stopped. “Let me explain!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I rolled my eyes and looked at her angrily. “What will you explain?” I found the words which hurt her the most knowing that I will be regret later. “You are the reason why my sister is in that condition right now.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She froze and tears began flowing down her cheeks. I knew I shouldn’t have told this, but it was too late to take the words back. I headed to the dormitory and didn’t look at her again. She didn’t call my name either. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  
  <em>While I was walking to my room, I was like a robot. Haru was not in the room. Probably, he didn’t want to see me at that moment. Sometimes I really didn’t know what to say and broke people’s heart. ‘It is better to be alone at that moment,’ I thought to myself, ‘I can apologize from him later.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I calmly grabbed my tweezers from my drawer and headed to the bathroom. I closed the door behind and locked it. I rolled my sleeve up and looked at the scars which were about to heal. I began picking my skin making new scars. </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Big brother, look I made this flower crown for you.” My little sister Gou showed the flower crown she made to me proudly.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I smiled. She was getting better at doing this. “It is the most beautiful flower crown I have ever seen in my life.” </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Then I want it to be yours!” She said happily. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Why don’t you take it for yourself?” I asked confused.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Because my big brother deserves the best of everything!” She said as she was hugging me tightly. </em>
  </strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
  <em>The memory made my eyes fill with tears. My fresh scars were bleeding, but I didn’t care about it. There were a small blood pool under my feet, but I didn’t care about this either. My sister… She was such a cheerful, lively girl… I wanted my sister back… The girl who I knew now was not my sister. She was just a shell. It was my mother’s fault. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was my fault too, because I couldn’t protect my sister from her. It was my fault too, because I turned to a blind eye after my sister was taken away from me. I was such a bad older brother. I didn’t deserve to live that long. I made such a big scar that I could see the fat under my skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin!” My ears were buzzing so much that I could barely hear someone was calling my name and banging the door really hard. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin! Open the door!” Someone else called my name as well, but I couldn’t understand if it was the same person or not because of the buzzing sound in my ears. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was so weak, so cold… First the tweezers slipped off my fingers and I fell onto the ground with a loud thud. The last thing I saw before I lost my consciousness was, someone unlocked the door and Haru walked inside.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rin! Don’t sleep!” Haru shook me by my shoulders. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After this everything became silent. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Until now, I never asked for comments, but from now on, I will update new chapters after getting 2 comments per chapter. <br/>(I don't mind about the previous chapters.) <br/>Well, you know comments are motivations for the writers. <br/>I have no intention to demand, but I really want some feedbacks *teary eyes emoji*.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided to use sakura flowers since it is a RinHaru thing and black roses symbolize death...<br/>If you wonder anything about Hanahaki Disease you can ask me!<br/>Have a good day~</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>